


Rose Tattoos on his Wrist

by melslove



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Army, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Chicago (City), Depression, References to Depression, Shameless, Tattoos, Years Later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28953441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melslove/pseuds/melslove
Summary: There have been eight years (well technically 8 years, 3 months, and 6 days) since it happened. It’s been 8 years, 3 months, and 14 days since Ian Gallagher left his house and joined the army.Those eight years the Gallaghers have been waiting for their brothers return, and for eight years they’ve been in pain waiting. They could not find the brother they loved.One day late in March, Fiona Gallagher is sitting in her living room falling asleep. But something wakes her up, a knock on the door.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 37
Kudos: 141





	1. What? When? How? Ian?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ❤️ This prompt has been in my head for awhile so I thought I should do this. If this is bad, then I am so sorry. Idk what else to say except please enjoy :) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> \- death  
> \- missing family member  
> \- depression  
> \- anxiety  
> \- suicide/attempt  
> \- drinking/drug use  
> \- bipolar disorder 
> 
> The lines are there to introduce/end a flashback. :) 
> 
> Enjoy

It was a late March night in Southside Chicago. Fiona Gallagher wrapped herself in a blanket while looking over the monthly budget for her restaurant, Patsy’s Pies. She sat on the family’s couch in the living room fighting her body’s urge to fall asleep. She takes a swing of a beer while staring at the papers in front of her. Her eyes start to flutter with tiredness. 

She looks at her phone for the first time in hours and sees that the nights escaped from her. At 11:27, she decides to give up for the night. Fiona grabs her papers and tries to order them as neatly as possible. 

As she recycles her empty beer bottle, a knock can be heard from the front door. It’s light, wouldn’t be heard on the second floor or the basement. The knock is soft, kind. 

Fiona figures that it wouldn’t be a thief. If a thief did knock (which most likely they wouldn’t), they wouldn’t do it so softly. Plus, anyone who knows the Gallaghers knows that there probably isn’t a lot to steal from their house. 

Fiona also knows it can’t be any of the Gallaghers currently living in their house - Carl, Liam, and Frank. All three males were passed out in their beds upstairs. She knew it couldn’t be Lip. Lip was stuck at his place with an infant, he wouldn’t come knocking at the door this late. Plus, he’s probably passed out in his own bed with his girlfriend at this moment, waiting for the screams of their infant to wake them. Fiona also crosses out Debbies name on her list of suspects. Debbie has moved out with her daughter and girlfriend, and like the rest of the Gallaghers, she’s probably asleep. Fiona also knows that if Debbie was going to come over this late, she would message Fiona first. A final thought came to Veronica and Kevin, but Fiona knows it can’t be either of her neighbors. Kevin was starting last call at his bar soon, while Veronica is at her house fast asleep after putting her daughters to bed. 

The door doesn’t knock again, so Fiona figures whoever was out there left. But Fiona knows herself, she knows she won’t be able to fall asleep unless she takes a look outside. The urge to open the door was killing her. There was no way she could fall asleep. 

Fiona grabs the baseball bat handing on one of the wallpapered walls in her house. She grips it tightly as she walks towards the door. 

“Maybe it was just the wind, no need to be scared.” Fiona tries to reassure herself. But she also knows on the Southside, it could be anything. 

She walks carefully and quietly to the door. Her hands gripping the base of the bat as tightly as she can. But when she’s in front of the door, she takes her right hand off the bat. It’s shaking as if she drank eleven shots of espresso. 

She opens the door and sees a shadow. The shadow is facing their back to the door, almost at the front gate of the house. The shadows figure looks more masculine than feminine, so Fiona figures it’s probably a man. The man is dressed in all black. He wears black jeans, black vans, and a black hoodie with its hood up. The only pop of color is the gray backpack he wears on his back. 

Fiona, still gripping the baseball bat as tightly as she can, looks down for a moment. She sees an envelope on the ground with the word “Gallaghers” written in cursive. Next to them are flowers, a variety of flowers most likely found at a floral shop. 

“Hey!” She yells out at the man opening the gate. “Hey you!” 

Her hands grip the bat as tightly as possible. She uses all her might and puts it into her hands as the man slowly turns around. 

She doesn’t notice it at first. It takes Fionas eyes awhile to look at the man in front of her. He takes his hood off slowly. She looks at the man. His jawline looks sharp enough to cut. His eyes remind her of the Emerald City from the Wizard of Oz. His orange hair is similar to a sunset in the summertime. His pale face is covered with little tiny freckles. His lips show a bit of a smile. 

Fiona stops breathing for a moment. Memories fill her brain. She goes numb. All her muscles loosen. She drops the bat on the ground and it lands with a big bang. She doubts it will awaken any of her siblings or her father, they’re all used to the loud sounds in the Southside night. 

She starts running to the man. Her cheeks already covered in tears. She jumps into the mans arms. 

The arms she remembers, but are also so unfamiliar. They’re bigger, stronger. They lift her up. He hugs her with all his might. Fiona sobs into his shoulder. She can’t say anything, so she just sobs. She leaves tear drops on the mans black hoodie. 

After a little over three minutes, the two let go of each other. Fiona backs away a little, and puts her hands on the mans cheeks. She holds a few tears of his own. She rubs her thumb over his cheeks and looks into his emerald eyes. 

Fiona doesn’t know what to say, so she spits out: “What? When? How? Ian?”

Ian. Ian Gallagher. Ian Clayton Gallagher. Her little brother. The brother she thought she lost. The brother who went missing 8 years, 3 months, and 6 days ago. The brother she’s mourned over for years. The brother she never thought she would get to hold again. 

“Hey Fi.” Ian smiles and looks down at Fiona. Eight years, and all he says is ‘Hi Fi’. 

“Ian.” Fiona can only say one word. One name. The name of her brother. The name of the brother she thought she lost years ago. The brother she hasn’t heard from in years. “Ian.” 

“Fiona.” Ian smiles more and more each second he stand with his sister. 

“Ian. Ian. Ian. Ian! Holy shit! Ian!” Fiona just keeps smiling. “Ian. Ian. Fuck. Ian! Fuck! Come inside.” They start walking towards the door. Before heading inside Ian bends down to pick up the flowers and letter. He puts the letter in his back pocket. 

Once they’re back inside, both standing behind the couch Fiona was on the verge of falling asleep on, they hug once again. 

They’re disrupted from a voice from upstairs yelling, “Fiona are you okay? I heard a crash.” 

“I’m okay Liam, go back to bed.” Fiona calls out, looking up at her younger brother. Neither one of them have stopped crying. 

“You sure?” Liam yells back down. 

Fiona looks straight into her estranged brothers eyes and yells, “Yeah, I’m sure. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Fi.” The last words Liam tells his oldest sister before closing the door to his bedroom. 

“Holy shit that was Liam.” Ian smiles. “How old is he now? He has to be what nine?” 

“He’s ten now.” Fiona smiles. She looks at her brothers eyes. They’re the same eyes, but different. They have more hurt in them, more pain. They’re different. This has to been a different Ian than the one who left eight years ago. “You left when he was two.”

“Right.” Ian says and leans on the couch. 

“Can you please tell me where you’ve been for eight years.” Fiona asks. They both walk over to sit on the couch. Ian puts his bag next to him with the flowers and starts to open up. 

“Well, it started when I joined the Army. And I know I was too young because I was only seventeen, so I enlisted under Lip’s name.” Ian looks ashamed in himself. 

“We all knew that already.”

“What? How?”

“Your CO’s came looking for you. They showed up at Lip’s college ready to arrest him,” Ian smiles when Fiona mentions his brother, “they say you stole a helicopter?”

“Well technically I only tried to. I started the motor, but it didn’t work out well for me in the end. So I left...again. I know it was stupid, but there are a lot of things that weren’t right with me.”

“Like what?” 

“Not important.” Ian quickly responds. Fiona can see he doesn’t want to get into it, so she knows not to ask a similar question again. 

“Okay. So where did you go? Where have you been for eight years?”

“Well first I went to see my dad.”

“You went to see Frank but not us?” Fiona looks betrayed in the actions she thinks her brother did. 

“No, remember. Frank’s not my dad. It’s his brother, Clayton. Monica cheated on Frank with his brother, and then nine months later I came.”

“No wait, we talked to Clayton, he said he didn’t know anything. We were very straightforward.”

“We?”

“Me, Lip.....and Mickey.” 

_____________________________________________  
It was a cold Winter Tuesday as Clayton Gallagher was in his office doing his work. He worked quickly as his house was filled with silence. 

His work was interrupted by a knocking on the front door. It was a pretty hard knock, a knock filled with importance. 

He got up from his computer to walk to the door. When he opened the door he had three people staring at him. Two of them he barely remembers, and one is a complete stranger. He remembers his nephew, Philip. His father, Frank, was a family member he wished to forget about. It takes him a moment, since it had been twelve years since he’s seen her, but he knows it’s his niece Fiona. 

The third person is something else. The man his neighbors would classify as a hooligan, unsafe presence, thug. He was short, but he was terrifying. The man had tattoos on his knuckles that Clayton couldn’t read. He looked dangerous, Clayton wanted to run away. 

But instead, he asks, “May I help you?” 

“Hi Uncle Clayton,” Philip smiles at Clayton, “do you remember me? I’m Lip, Frank’s son. I came here a few years ago with my other brother, Ian.”

“Right. Nice to see you again.” Clayton shakes Lips hand. When satisfied with the shake, he releases his hand and looks to Fiona, “And it’s Fiona, correct? I believe I last saw you when you were in elementary school.”

“Ya, hi Clayton.” She shakes his hand. Claytons eyes stared at the third man. He wants to make sure he doesn’t do anything wrong. Fiona notices the man staring, and knows it’s out of fear. “That’s Mickey,” she lets go of her uncles hand, “he’s harmless.” Mickey smiles at the man, “Well, we told him to be harmless today.” Fiona reassures. 

Mickey holds his hand out, expecting Clayton to want to shake it. But instead, Clayton signals the three guests that they’re welcomed in the house. Lip laughs at Mickeys rejection. To retaliate, Mickey punches Lips shoulder. Mickey knows he left a bruise and smiles. 

“Can I get you anything? A snack? A pop?” Claytons voice gets shakier, especially with this Mickey character in his house. They enter his kitchen and stand near the island. 

Mickey looks around at the house in amazement. The only time he’s ever been in a house this nice was when he was robbing one with his brothers. 

“No we were wondering if we could talk to you about Ian?” Fiona asks. 

“Ian?” Clayton asks, voice getting shakier and shakier by the minute. He looks at Mickey, well more importantly Mickeys hands on the island. He reads the tattoos “FUCK U-UP”. He puts on a smile. “Oh right. My nephew, your brother.”

“Cut the shit Clayton. We know he’s your son.” Lip has lost his patience with his uncle. Clayton doesn’t retaliate. He just stands there to listen to his nephew. “Have you seen him?”

“Seen Ian? No.” 

“Are you sure?” Fionas voice is filled with worry. “He’s been missing for a few months and maybe he came to see you. I mean it’s obvious you’re his dad, you two looks identical.”

Clayton hates the fact that these people have called Ian his son. Ian is not his son. Genetics don’t make them father and son. Ian is Frank’s son, and Clayton wishes he never hooked up with Monica. 

“Missing?”

“Ya he...” Before Fiona can finish her sentences Lip clears his throat. He doesn’t want everyone knowing what Ian has done, “he’s missing. He went away a few months ago. We can’t find him.”

“I assure you he didn’t come here.” The three guests can tell Clayton is lying. His voice is shaking, he looks like he’s about to sweat, and he’s been nervous the whole entire time (and not just because of Mickey). 

Fiona and Lip look at Mickey and give him a nod. It seems like Mickey has been waiting for this nod forever.

Mickey rushes to the other side of the island, grabs the older mans shirt, and pushes him against the fridge. “You see I’m here because they know I don’t have to ask nicely. And I fucking care about Ian so tell us what you fucking know.” Mickey screams at the man. Mickey looks up, looking straight into the mans eyes. “Tell us what you fucking know!” Mickey pushes him tighter against the fridge. 

“I don’t know anything!” 

“You’re a shit liar, has anyone ever told you? So tell us where the fuck Ian is now. I’m not going to say please or thank you.” Mickey wants to punch his guy, but he promised the Gallagher siblings he’s with that he won’t abuse the man. He can scare the man, push him a little, yell at him, but can’t lay a finger on him. If Mickey lays a finger on Clayton, he’s off the search committee. “Just tell us where the fuck Ian is and we’ll be on our merry way.”

“I don’t know. I swear. I haven’t seen Ian since he came with Lip years ago.” 

“Mickey he’s probably telling the truth.” Fiona sadly says. “Let him go.”

“No! No. He’s obviously lying. Look at him.” Mickey still holds his grip on the older man. 

“Mickey stops. He’s just scared of you. Let’s go.” Fiona looks like she’s almost about to cry. This was their one possible lead to Ian, and there was nothing. “You know you can’t hurt him, you wanna stay looking with us? Let him go and let’s leave. Thank you Clayton, but we’ll leave now.”

Mickey let’s the man go, wanting to punch him until he tells the truth about Ian. But Mickey doesn’t, he holds himself back. For Ian. All of this is for Ian.  
_____________________________________________

“That little fucker. Maybe if we let Mickey punch him he would have told us the truth.” Fiona is disappointed in herself and her past actions. 

“How did you get Mickey to not punch someone?” Ian asks and lightly giggles. 

“We told him that if he hurt Clayton, he wouldn’t be able to help us search for you anymore. He was really worried about you. He told us about you... That you guys..”

“Yeah. I remember.” Ian smiles at the mention that Mickey opened himself to the Gallaghers, telling them about them and his sexuality. 

“So why did you see Clayton?”

“Oh, um, um,” Ian is ashamed of his past actions, “to blackmail him. It wasn’t my best idea, I know. It’s like I said, I wasn’t in the best state of mind. I said that he better give me money or I’ll sue him for unpaid child support.”

“You did?” Fiona looks at her brother with concern. He knows that there was something eating at him. The Ian from eight years ago wouldn’t do that. 

“Ya, I know. But he was embarrassed of me so it was easy. He gave me five thousand dollars and I went away.” 

“Went away? To where?”

“Vancouver, Canada. I wanted to get out of the country, thought it would be harder to be found in a different country. I really didn’t want to be found. I thought your lives would be better without me and the destruction that came with me.” Ian starts to cry a bit again. 

“Ian, you don’t cause destruction.” Fiona holds his hand. 

“You don’t know that.” Ian shakes his head. 

“Can I?” Fiona doesn’t want to force anything out of her brother. He just shakes his head. “Okay, it’s okay.” She kisses his forehead. “What have you been doing in Canada? Why did you need five grand?”

“Well I used most of that money for the plane ride, apartment, and new clothes. I used half the money on getting a new identity. I didn’t want to be found. So you’re looking at Ian Charles Graces. I wanted to keep my initials, but different name.”

“So we wouldn’t find you.”

“Ya, but then when I ran out of money I got a job at a bar. I was a,” Ian takes a long time to respond, wanting to choose the right word to use, “bartender.”

“A bartender?” 

“Ya, a bartender. But then that wasn’t what i wanted or needed in my life, so I got a new job. I now work as an EMT. I go around helping people, saving them, I love my job.”

“Wow. An EMT.”

“All the ROTC training helped.” He looks at the picture of himself on the mantle above the fireplace. There’s a picture of him jumping in his ROTC uniform. He remembers being with Mandy when the picture was taken. They found a camera on the ground. After finding out that it still works, Mandy insisted on taking pictures of Ian. 

“Mandy gave us that picture a few years ago for your twentieth birthday.”  
_____________________________________________  
The Gallaghers always spent Ian’s birthday together. The past 2 years. Lip always came back from college on Ian’s eighteenth, nineteenth, and now twentieth birthday. They’ve done the same thing for the past 2 years, just sit around and talk about Ian. It’s always the Gallaghers, usually excluding Frank, and the Balls. They just sit in the living room, eating cake, talking about Ian. They talk about where he could be, how he could be, and how much they love him. 

Soon there was a knock on the door, and Veronica wipes way her tears to open the door. 

“Mandy?” Veronica looks at the young girl in front of her. Mandy had leftover mascara tears under her eyes. It’s obvious what she had been crying about. She held a bag in her hands. “Please come in, come. Mandys here.” Veronica smiles. 

Mandy looks at the grieving family. They’re not grieving death, that they know of, but they’re still grieving. She feels out of place, being a Milkovich. She looks at Ian’s siblings, and the tears that have fallen down their cheeks. 

“I’m so sorry, I should leave.” Mandy turns around, on the verge of crying again. 

“No, please stay.” Lip speaks. Mandy turns around to see the face of the man she once loved. “Ian loved you.” 

Mandy gives a soft smile and gives the bag to Fiona. “I brought this. I didn’t know if you wanted gifts or anything, but I thought you would like this.”

Veronica pats the Milkovich on the shoulder and hands the bag to Fiona. There’s no tissue paper in there, so it’s obvious what it is. It’s a picture frame. What Fiona wasn’t excepting, was the picture inside. 

“We found a camera like three days before he left, after his ROTC practice. I took some pictures of him. There’s also the camera with more pictures. I know I shouldn’t have kept these pictures for myself, I should have given you the camera. I’m so sorry.” Mandy starts crying. Veronica just hugs her as Mandy sobs. 

Fiona rubs her thumb over the glass. The picture shows Ian being his lovable, goofy little self. It looks as if he had been laughing with Mandy, and the sound of Ian’s laughter then clouded her mind. He was jumped in the air. It looked like a jump out of High School Musical. Ian looked happy, free, perfect. 

Fiona lets a tear drop onto the picture frame as she hugs it before showing it off to her siblings. “Thank you Mandy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please, please stay. We’re going to bring out cake later and we can talk.” Fiona smiles. The other Gallaghers, and Balls, start to cry while looking at the picture. 

“Can I see it?” Carl asks.

Fiona hands Carl the picture. Carl just stares at it. He goes to the mantle above the fireplace and places the picture right in the middle. He cries for a moment, putting the picture down. 

“There. Now we’ll always see him.” Carl smiles.  
_____________________________________________  
“How have you been? What’s happened since I’ve been gone?” Ian wants the change the subject off of him for a moment. 

“A lot has happened Ian, not just with me, but with the family.” Fiona stares at him, trying to remember everything that’s happened in eight years. 

“Can you tell me?”

“I almost killed Liam.” Fiona looks at Ian ashamed. “I was dating someone and they gave me coke. I left it out and he got into it.” Fiona starts to tear up again, but she never really stopped crying. “He’s okay. I went to jail for awhile.”

“Wow. Fuck. I should have been here. Fuck. Fuck. Fiona. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay. We’re all okay now. Liams alive, you heard him earlier. I got a job at a diner, and I’m now the owner.”

“Fiona Gallagher. Business owner. Who would have guessed?”

“Not my cell mate.” Fiona jokes. Both Gallaghers laugh. 

“After that?”

“After that Frank almost died because he ruined his liver.”

“I’m not surprised he ruined his liver. The way he drinks. What else?”

“I got married.”

“Married!” Ian quietly yells. He looks at her hand and doesn’t see a ring. “To who?”

“This guy Gus. It was stupid. We barely knew each other and I thought I could be spontaneous. It didn’t work out in the end. So we divorced, but then immediately after I got engaged again. To my boss, Sean. And as you can see, there’s no ring. It didn’t work out. He turned out to be a drug addict and I couldn’t go through with it.” 

“Damn.” Ian doesn’t know what else to say. He looks at the pictures on the mantle. A lot of them stayed the same, but there are a few new ones. There’s a family portrait with everyone he knows, but three new people. A blond woman next to Lip, the baby Lips carrying, and the toddler Debbies carrying. 

“I forgot to mention,” Fiona notices Ian looking at the pictures, “you’re an uncle.”

“I’m a what?” Ian smiles. He never thought that his siblings might have kids. 

“You have a niece and a nephew. Debbie has a daughter.”

“Debbie does?”

“She had a baby when she was fifteen. Little Franny.”

“Franny.” Ian just thinks about Franny, then thinks about all he’s missed out on. He’s missed the birth of his little sisters kid. He missed helping the kid during her first few years. 

“And Lip has a kid too.” Fiona knows how happy Ian will be at that news. 

“Lip has a kid.” He softly smiles. 

“Little Freddie.”

“Lip and Debbie have kids, and I missed out on that.” Ian hates himself. 

“Ian, Ian.” Fiona puts her hand in Ians. “Ian, it’s fine. You were gone. We didn’t know how to find you. You moved countries, you changed names, it’s okay.” 

“No it’s not.” Ian starts crying again. “I missed the births of my niece and nephew, I missed you going to jail, I missed Frank almost dying. What else did I miss?”

“You want everything?” Ian nods. “Okay well we have a half-sibling, well technically she’s not even you’re sibling. She’s Franks daughter, Sammi. She’s a psycho. She moved in a few years ago, then moved out like 2 years ago. You’re lucky you missed her, she was annoying. Not to mention Carl and her had a mutual hatred after Carl got her son thrown in jail, then Carl went to jail.”

“That I’m not too surprised about.” Ian jokes. 

“He worked a corner for awhile. He put drugs on Chuckie, Sammi’s son, and they both got arrested. What else? Oh, Lip got thrown out of college.”

“He got thrown out of college?” Ian hates that he missed two main things in Lips life. 

“He was addicted to alcohol for awhile, he’s sober now. He’s good. He has a job as a mechanic.”

“Is it my fault? Did he do it because I left? Did I make Lip an alcoholic?” Ian wants to bash his head against the wall after thinking of what he might have forced his brother to do. 

“No! Ian no. It’s not your fault. It was probably genetic with Frank and Monica. Don’t blame yourself. He’s okay now, he’s good, he has a family, he’s okay.”

“Fuck genetics. How’s Monica?” 

“Oh,” Fiona doesn’t know how to break the news to her brother, “Monica. Monica. Um...she...um...she died Ian. She died about 4 years ago. There was something wrong with her brain I can’t remember what.”

“Well fuck Monica. Fuck Monica. Fuck her. Fuck her and her genes. Fuck her and her shitty genetics. Fuck Monica.”

“Ian?”

Ian sighs. “One of us was bound to get it, and it had to be me. I mean I guess it explains a lot when you think about it. What I did here, in the army, even in Canada.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“When we were younger, we always talked about the ‘Monica gene’. Well guess who got it?”

“You’re -”

“Bipolar.” Ian hates saying that word. It’s a sickly word to him. A reminder of what he constantly has to deal with. It’s a reminder of the numerous pills he takes each day. It’s a word that reminds him of his actions. 

“You’re bipolar?” Fiona looks at him, and sees why Ian’s eyes are now filled with hurt. She feels the way Ian was feeling when talking about Lips alcoholism. But she knows she couldn’t have been there, she couldn’t find him. The family didn’t have money to get someone professional. 

“Ya. I did some crazy shit. I don’t want to talk about it. I always kinda had a feeling it was going to be me. At first, no one really knew what it was. No one around me knew what Bipolar really was. It wasn’t until I was put in a mental hospital for the first time, that I truly got diagnosed.”

“First time?” Fiona yawns. 

“Fuck you must be tired.” Ian avoids answering the question. “Should I leave? You should sleep. I’m sorry.”

“No, Ian it’s fine. I’m just going to make some coffee. Just stay here.”

“Actually,” the two siblings both stand up, “can I go upstairs? Look around?”

“Of course. It’s your home Ian.” Fiona smiles at Ian. They hug once again. “I’m happy you’re home.” 

“Me too.” Ian smiles.

Once they let go, Ian starts going up the crooked stairs. He looks at the cracks on the walls, his hand on the railing of the stairs. He takes a deep breath. All the memories, most of which he’s forgotten, have flooded back into him. He walks up the stairs to see the hallway. He opens each door, slowly and quietly. 

In the room where Debbie would sleep, Liam was now there sleeping soundly. In the room that belonged to Lip, Frank was snoring in. And in the room where Ian would dream about being in the army, Carl laid there dreaming. 

While brewing a cup of coffee, Fiona takes out her phone to call Lip. 

He answers after the first few rings and says, “It’s after twelve this better be fucking important Fiona.”

Fiona hears Tami in the back, “Tell Fiona to come back another time, we’re sleeping.”

“No.” Fiona quickly says. “Don’t hang up. This is an emergency. Trust me you need to come home right now. Please Lip you need to be here.”

“Fiona what is it?” Lip is now invested in this conversation. Anything. could go down at the Gallagher house, so he doesn’t know what to except. “What’s happening?”

“You’re not going to believe it.”

“What? Fiona? What is it? Just tell me!”

“Ian’s home.”


	2. Where is He Fiona?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lip finally gets to see his estranged brother. He gets the moment that was eight years in the making. But there's something different about Ian, something off about him. Neither him nor Fiona know why he now comes back to them, but they don't want to ask questions that could scare Ian away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) Thank you for all the nice comments and kudos from the last chapter. This will probably be like a weekly updated story. I'll probably write Saturdays or Sundays.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3
> 
> Trigger Warnings!!!  
> -Bipolar disorder  
> -Depression  
> -Alcoholism  
> -Death  
> -Suicide

"Lip," Tami groans, "what does Fiona want?" Lip doesn't answer. He's deer in headlights, frozen. He can't comprehend the words that just came out of Fionas mouth. Tears start to fall down his cheek. It seemed impossible, it seemed like this is a dream.

This has been a dream, a dream he's had too many times. He'll hear that Ian's back. He'll get all excited and rush back to the Gallagher house, or wherever Ian is. But when he reaches the destination, Ian's not there. One dream everyone was laughing at Lip for believing that Ian would ever want to come back here. There was one dream, about two years ago, that Lip would never be able to forget. It started out the same as the others, hearing the news that Ian's back. Lip will rush as quickly as he can to get to Ian. But when he gets there, it's not the Gallagher house. When he gets there, he's at the same establishment where they held Monicas funeral. But instead of Monica in the casket, it's Ian. It's Ians lifeless body in front of him. Everyone wants Lip to say something about Ian, but he can't say anything. Then someone came up to him and told Lip that this was all his fault.

"Lip did you hear me?" Fiona asks through the phone. "Ian's home! He's back! He's here Lip, he's finally here."

"I-I-I-I-I," Lip can only stutter after hearing the news, "you're not fucking with me?"

"Why would I fuck with you about this?"

"Is this a dream?"

"No, it's real. He's real and he's home." Lip could tell Fiona was smiling through the phone. The weight of missing her brother has finally been lifted.

"I'll be there as fast as I can, don't let him go anywhere!" Lip hangs up and turns on the lamp on his bedside table. "I have to go Tami. I need to get back to the Gallaghers house."

"What's going on?" Tami asks. She's heard about Ian. Lip tries not to talk too much about Ian, it hurts most of the time. But Tami knows that Ian was his brother, that they were the closest pair in the Gallagher house, and that Ian ran away eight years ago.

"Ian's home." Lip rushes out of bed. Tami doesn't know what to say, she just sits up. "I have to borrow your car. I can't run there. I need to get there asap." He puts on his slippers and runs downstairs, forgetting to say goodbye to his girlfriend. He grabs the keys from the counter and rushes to the garage. 

His heart his racing. Lip wouldn't be too surprised if the entire neighborhood could just hear his heartbeat. It's beating out of his chest, ready to jump out into the car. Lips brain is going a hundred miles per hour. He can't stop thinking, He can't stop thinking about the "what ifs".

What if this is a dream? What if Ian left before he got there? What if Ian's completely different person? What if Ian doesn't want to see him? What if Ian hates him?

He can't get those thoughts out of his head. In the past when he had negative thoughts, his only friend would be a bottle of alcohol. Lip's not blaming Ian for his alcoholism, he could never, he just wishes Ian could have been there. When in rehab, all he wanted was to see Ian. Ian would have visited Lip. Ian would have hugged Lip and would tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

When they were younger, when Ian was still there, the two brothers would constantly talk to each other. Most of the time it was Lip who did the talking while Ian listened. The big brother was always supposed to be there for the little brother, but the little brother was always there for the big brother. Ian would listen to anything and everything Lip had to say. It didn't matter if Lip was complaining about miscellaneous Gallaghers, girls, school, anything. Ian was always there to listen to him. Lip always wishes it was the other way around. What if he did the listening to Ians problems? Things could be different if he just asked and listened. it could be too late now, eight years later. 

Lip is at least going fifty miles per hour in a twenty miles per hour area. He doesn't care. The cops can follow him to the Gallagher house. They could chase after Lip. Nothing would get in his way this time. This time it's not a dream. This time he's not letting Ian slip through his fingers. He needs to get there as fast as he can, nothing can stop him from seeing Ian again. This is a moment Lip has never been able to comprehend in the past eight years. For most of the eight years, Lip thought this day would never come. He thought he would never get to see his little brother ever again.

The car screeches as it comes to a stop in front of the Gallagher house. There's another car in front of him. It's a car he's never seen before. It's not Fionas or any of the other Gallaghers. He can't let himself get worked up over a car when Ian is inside. 

Lip runs as fast as he can. He slams open the front door, half expecting Ian to be standing in the living room. When he doesn't see Ian, the smile on his face fades. Maybe this was just another one of his cruel dreams that he'll never be able to escape from.

"Fiona! Fiona!" Lip starts yelling. Fiona pops out from the kitchen, taking a sip of coffee. "Where is he Fiona? Where the fuck is Ian? You said he was here? Where is he?" Lip can hardly breathe. This was just another dream. Nothing could get his brother back.

Ian splashes his face with water in the upstairs bathroom. Its the bathroom all the Gallaghers shared growing up. Ian looks at the bathtub and memories of Debbie, Carl, and Liam getting bubble baths fills his brain. But there's also a negative memory that won't escape his mind. A memory from the year before his departure. He and Lip were in a fight, something so stupid that he can't even remember. It wasn't just a verbal fight, it was a physical fight. They fought around the bathroom, and Ian pushed Lip into the tub. He had the chance to do it, and he almost did. Ian was so close to just slamming Lips head on the side of the tub. That should have been a moment of realization for him. That should have been the moment when he realized something wasn't right. 

He feels the letter he put in his back pocket. The letter he left with the flowers. Now that he was back, no one can see this letter. No one should read it. So he hides it, he pushes it to the bottom of his gray backpack.

Ians thoughts are interrupted when he hears the door loudly open. After a quick second, he hears it. Ian hears Lip for the first time in eight years. He hears Lip yelling at Fiona, asking where Ian is.

For a quick moment, Ian hesitates going downstairs. What can he say to Lip to make up for what he did? Is there anyway to make this right?

But Ian doesn't want to be a pussy, he wants to see his brother.

As he heads down the front stairs, he hears Fionas voice.

"There's something you should know, Fiona starts, "about Ian-" She stops when she sees Ian coming down the stairs. 

"What? What Fiona?" Lip asks. He quickly turns around, and this time it's not a dream.

This time it's real life. This time Ian's standing across from him. Ian still has the same orange hair that Lip would tease him about. He's still Ian. 

Lip wishes he had the power to stop time. He wishes that this moment could last forever. He just wants to stand there and look at his brother. Look at Ian. Finally look at Ian after eight years. 

The two men start running towards each other to give the other a hug. Ians eyes start to water. Lip always thought that Ian have the best hugs, no one else could compare. When Ian hugged, it felt like safety. Hugging Ian could make a person think that, in this moment in time, that everything was okay.

They hug a bit longer and tighter than Ian and Fiona did. It's not surprising to Fiona, she always knew that they were the closest in the family. She doesn't want to say anything, so she stands in the background with her coffee.

Lip is the first to let go. He puts his hands on Ians face, his palms against Ians cheeks. He doesn't know what to do, what to say, for a moment he forgets how to breathe. But when Lip says something, he just says the first thing that came to his mind.

"Wow, you're tall." Lip blurts out. This makes everyone in the room laugh. Eight years and that's the first thing Lip can think of, pathetic. "I mean, no seriously you're really tall."

"Hey Lip." Ian does the goofy smile that has been painted in Lips mind for years. It's the smile Lip thought he lost. It's the smile that Ian once thought he lost. "I like how your first thought is my height."

Lip takes his hands off Ians face to give him a light punch on the arm. "I don't know what else to say."

"The word hi or hello never seems to fail." After eight years, Ian still messes with Lip like no time has been lost. 

"Okay. Well then, Hi." Lip can't stop smiling, he also can't stop crying. "Can someone explain what the fuck is going on. Please tell me this isn't a dream."

"I can personally tell you, this is not a dream. I'm here...for now." Ian smiles.

"For now?" Fiona asks.

"I have a home to get back to." Ian reminds Fiona.

"Home?" Lip feels like that's a stupid question to ask. He doesn't think Ian's homeless, he looks too nice to be homeless. Lip just thought that the Southside might always be Ians home. 

"Vancouver."

"Canada!" Lip asks, shocked. 

"Ya, I uh," Ian scratches the back of his head, "wanted to get away, I guess. Thought a new country could be nice, it would be a fresh start. I need it after..." Ian stop for a moment. "Holy shit Lip I'm so sorry! I'm so fucking sorry for what I did. Using your name to join the military. I wasn't thinking. I'm so fucking sorry. Fiona said they came looking for you, like they went after you. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have done that. It's fucking stupid, you should hate me." Ian keeps babbling on.

"Ian," Lip puts his hand on Ians shoulder, "I don't hate you."

"You don't?"

"I could never hate you. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. All I wanted to know was if you were okay. You quickly left. I am a bit mad though, mad that you didn't say goodbye. I wish I could have said goodbye to you."

"I should have said goodbye. I mean, I said goodbye to Liam." Ian remembers the day he departed. 

"It's okay," Fiona states, "we just wish we knew where you were. But you didn't want that; moving countries and changing names."

"You changed your name?" Lip asks.

"Ya, thought it would be harder to find. I didn't want to be found for a long time. I thought you guys would all hate me for the shit I pulled. I thought everyone would just...not take me back. You guys probably think I'm crazy now, Fiona sure does."

"Why would Fiona think you're crazy?"

"It doesn't matter." Ian tries to brush it off. He looks at his feet. Lip looks at Fiona. Fiona gives the 'don't ask' look.

"All that matters is that you're here now, even if it's temporary." Fiona puts her hand on Ians back. "It's nice to know you're still alive."

"You thought I was dead?" Ian looks at his two siblings.

"You left suddenly, the military was after you, we didn't hear anything for eight years." Lip educates.

"Well," Ian's tone goes a bit higher in pitch, "that's not exactly true."

"What?' The other awake Gallaghers say in unison.

"What do you mean that's not true?" Lip asks.

"I did send something a few years ago. Well I didn't send it, I had someone else hand deliver it for me.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Bailey was parked across from the Gallagher house for at least forty-five minutes, thinking about how she was going to do this. Does she just go up and tell whoever opens the door everything? Would the person who opens the door question the packet? Would they question her?

Bailey has lived a pretty nice life in Canada. Her and her family always stayed above the poverty line, never having the same worries as the Gallaghers. Being in a place like the Southside, that terrified her. But it wasn't as terrifying as what she found back home. There was a thought she could never get out of her head.

She can just hear Ians voice telling her to do this. She needs to do this, Ian asked her to. Bailey had to say yes in this moment, knowing how much it meant to Ian that she's here.

Bailey gets out of her rental car and walks over to the Gallagher house. Should she ring the doorbell or knock on the door? Should she just leave it on the doorstep?

If someone saw a package like this on a doorstep, it was possible that it would get stolen.

Bailey takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. She doesn't do it so hard, just hard enough to be heard through most of the house. She holds the package while waiting.

It's not long until a little African American boy opens the door. Bailey remembers hearing about Ians family after he told her to do his. He mentioned his brother was a different race from him, yet they still had the same mom.

"Um, Hi." Bailey speaks, "Is there a grown up here I can speak to?"

Liam runs off, but leaves the door open. Bailey just stands there and waits. She gets a glimpse into Ians childhood home. She gets to see the downstairs where he could hang out with his friend and family.

A tall brunette girl and an African American came walking towards her.

"May I help you?" The brunette girl asks the woman she's never met.

"Are you Fiona or Debbie Gallagher?" Bailey asks, not having a visual on what Ians sisters look like.

"I'm Fiona." 

"How do you know her name?" The African American woman who Ian did not mention asks.

"I have a package." Bailey holds out the thick envelope in front of her. Fiona hesitates before taking the package. 

Fiona opens the packet to see what's inside while Bailey stands there.

All Fiona can see in the package is green. It's all money. She's unsure how much money is in the package, nor why this strange woman is giving it to her.

"Who are you? Who is this from?" Fiona looks up at the girl and asks.

"It's from, it's from," Bailey stutters. She can't physically say it. She can't tell the two women the truth. "There's a letter."

Bailey starts running, not wanting the two women to see her cry. She rushes into her rental car and drives away before anyone can ask more questions.

Fiona looks at the letter in the sea of money she's holding. It's typed, so she wouldn't be able to recognize the handwriting.

_Gallaghers,_

_Please use this money. It's about three thousand dollars. It's not enough, I know. It can never be enough for the pain I've caused in your life. I can't come back, I'm never coming back. This should be enough for at least a few months. I don't know what things are like in the Gallagher house now, maybe you won the lottery and are free to move out of the shitty Southside. I'm sorry I wasn't there to see that, if it truly happened. Use this money, if needed, for important things. Use it for Liam, use it for the bills, for the groceries, for new clothes, or anything you need. It's the least I can do._

_I'm sorry._

There's no name. The girl is already gone so Fiona can't ask questions.

_____________________________________________________________________

"That was you?" Fiona is shocked. "I thought it was Jimmy-Steve. That had to be about three years ago."

"Yeah, about." Ian smiles, knowing what happened in his life three years ago.

"How'd you get that money?" Lip asks.

"I'm an EMT." Ian lies. 

"What did it mean when you said you're never coming back?" Lip asks, worried.

"What do you mean?" Ian asks, having no memory of writing the letter, just knowing that he did it.

"I remember too," Fiona says, "it said that. The letter said that you can't come back, that you were never coming back? What does that mean?"

"Um, um, um, um." Ian doesn't know what to say. "I-uh. I can't." Ians heart starts beating a bit quicker as he tries to come up with an answer. 

"It's okay, you can tell us later." Lip is worried about his brother, but he didn't want to force anything out.

"I heard you have a son." Ian quickly changes the subject.

Lip smiles, after hearing Fiona mention his son. "Freddie. Freddie Ian Gallagher."

Ian stops for a moment. "You named your kid after me?" He's truly shocked. All those years, he expected the Gallghers to just move on without him. He thought that maybe if he just stayed away long enough, the family could just forget about him. "Why?"

"Because I needed something to remember you by, the tattoos weren't enough." Lip blurts out.

"Tattoos?" Ian looks at his brother and sister.

Fiona and Lip look at Ian, then back at each other. Fiona rolls up her right sleeve, and Lip lifts his sweatshirt up a bit. On Fionas forearm, she has a tattoo that says "Ian Clayton Gallagher." It's written in Ians childhood handwriting. She had gone though a box of memories before finding Ians perfect signature, he was so happy he could finally spell his full name, from when Ian was in first grade. Under it is a little heart. Ian doesn't think it was drawn by him, just that it was there to remind Fiona of his love. Lips tattoo almost makes Ian cry. It's an outline of them from a photo. The photo had to be from when Ian was fifteen and Lip was sixteen. It couldn't be more than a year and a half before his departure. Its only the outlines their bodies. The two boys close together, Ians arm around Lips shoulder. The only part colored in was the hair. It had Lips crazy hair colored in a light brown, and Ians hair was colored in a pigmented red.

"We all got them for your twenty-second birthday." Fiona tells him.

"You all did?" 

"Carl got your old ROTC cap tattooed on his side, and Debbie got your initials on her wrist." Lip mentions. "We all wanted to remember you. We thought you were gone forever. I named Freddie after the two men who always looked out for me. My old college professor, and you."

"Nice to know you guys celebrated my twenty-second birthday better than me." Ian whispers. He thought he did it quietly, but both siblings heard him.

"What do you mean?" Fiona's now concerned a bit more, after reminding herself about Ians disorder.

"Nothing." Ian quickly says, putting his guard back up.

"Well, your birthdays weren't always the easiest day for us." Fiona reminds her brother.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Lip walks out of the busy Gallagher house. It's filled with Gallaghers, Balls, and two Milkoviches. He needed to just get out and smoke. He needed a smoke on days like these. Days when all he wanted to do was drown himself in booze. But he can't, he knows he can't. He's worked too hard for this, he can't give it all away.

When first getting sober, Lip would smoke a pack a day. His habit was getting worse, and worse everyday. But he eventually tried to slow down, trying to only do half a pack each day. But days like these, he might need two packs.

He hears the back door open, but doesn't turn around to see who it is.

"I needed to get out of there too." A female voice says. Fiona. "Sometimes it's just hard."

Lip passes his cigarette to Fiona and asks, "What do you think he's doing now?" Lip wants to add the question of whether or not Ian's alive, but doesn't for both of their sakes.

"I think he's out partying, wherever he is. I think he has his great new life filled with amazing friends. They're probably out partying with him right now. They're all getting shitfaced. Especially Ian, he was never the best at holding his liquor." Lip chuckles. "He's probably having fucking a dude, maybe in a relationship maybe not. I just think he's out there, somewhere on this world, having fun. He probably thinks of us like we think of him. Maybe he'll come back one day, we just have to wait and see." Fiona tries to be optimistic about Ian, but it's hard. She has the same thoughts as everyone else in the family: what if he never returns?

Lip can't keep crying. Every year on Ians birthday it's the same thing: he'll wake up, realize what day it is, and won't stop crying. He thought after almost five years that he'd learn to stop crying on days like today, but it seems impossible. But now, he has to do it without any booze in his system. This day is hard enough, going through a relapse would just make him feel worse.

Lips tired of constantly carrying these feelings around, he needs to let them out every once in awhile. So he starts crying once again, but this time he has no intentions of stopping. "I miss him Fi." He starts to cry. Cry isn't the right word, he starts to _sob_. 

The thing about Lip is that he never sobs. He cries, everyone cries, but he doesn't sob. He has no memory of the last time he truly sobbed. He didn't sob when he got kicked out of college, he didn't sob when Monica tried to kill herself, he never sobs. He just cries. But today, today he breaks that streak and sobs. 

Fiona doesn't know what to do. Lips starting to become hysterical, there's no way she can make him feel better. There's nothing she can do. There's no magic button that will make Ian appear. "I know, I know." She holds her brother.

"He was my best fucking friend and then he left. He didn't even say goodbye." Lip just starts to let his deep thoughts out. "What if he's gone and he didn't even say goodbye?"

The backdoor was still open, all the members of the house and their guests watched from afar and listened to the grieving brother. He's saying all the thoughts they have in their head, he's just the first to say it out loud.

"He's not gone, I know he's not." Fiona's trying to be strong, but she can't keep this act up.

"You can't know!" Lip starts to sob harder, he starts to let the dark thoughts out. "He could be dead! Fucking dead Fiona! I need by fucking brother. I needed him here this year. I fucking need him more than I need anyone else."

Fiona can't keep her tears away now, no one can. In the background, this is one of the only times Mandy has seen her older brother shed a tear. She knew about Mickey and Ian, but never knew how serious it was. The last time Mandy saw Mickey cry was at their moms funeral.

"I know, I know. But there's always that hope, that thought. He'll come back for us."

"What if he forgot about us? What if he doesn't know who we are anymore."

"I think we're unforgettable."

"There's nothing we can do. There's nothing for us to fucking do Fiona. What can we do? Nothing! Fucking nothing! I just need him back."  
_____________________________________________ 

Lip and Ian sit on the couch while Fiona goes to get more coffee, for herself and Lip. They sit in silence for a moment, before Ian interrupts it.

"Is it my fault?" Ian looks down at his shoes.

"Is what your fault?" Lip looks at his brother, wishing Ian could make eye contact with him.

"You. Your.....alcoholism. Is it my fault? Did I leave you to drink." Ian talks in a soft tone.

"No, no, no, no. Ian you can't think that. It's not your fault. It's probably Franks fault if we want to blame anyone. But it's my fault, it's my issue. My alcoholism is not because of you Ian, it would never be about you. I had too many issues going on in my life. Instead of dealing with everything life threw at me, I drank. It's no ones fault, especially not yours. You can't blame yourself for things like this. Ian please look at me." Ian finally lifts his head and looks into his brothers ocean blue eyes. "Listen to me when I tell you that my alcoholism was not your fault, it was never your fault. Did I miss you? Of fucking course I did? Did I drink? A shitton. But there was nothing connecting the two, there was no reason why you would be the problem."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I'm positive."

Ian tries to lighten the now dark mood by saying: "What? On your STD test?"

"And he's back" Lip smiles. "He's truly back."


	3. I Never Stopped Counting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is back home, but he's not truly back. The rest of the Gallagher siblings finally get to see him again, but he's different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) You all are so nice with your comments and kudos, they really make me happy.  
> So this story has a few little plotline differences from the actual show (obviously with Ian's disappearance). But there are things I have changed: such as Fiona never left, Carl never became a cop (because ew and I hate that storyline), Svetlana never left, no Debbie and Julia and the aftermath of that, and maybe a few other little things. 
> 
> This has to be my favorite chapter so far. I’m aware theres only two others, but I like this one.
> 
> I know I always add trigger warnings, but this is a dark story. I try to make it lighter with little jokes here and there, but for the most part it's dark. I don't want to trigger anyone if they read this. I know how powerful triggers can be, and I would feel awful if this story ended up triggering someone.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> \- bipolar disease  
> \- medication  
> \- mention of death/death of a mother

The three awake Gallaghers talk for hours and hours. They talk about time: the past, present, and future. They talk about the events from the past, the current activities happening in the present, and the wishful thinking they have for the future. This was a conversation between the three that they have all waited eight years for. At least two of them have waited for this conversation.

Ian was still withholding information about his life from the siblings. Fiona and Lip only know little events that have happened in Ian's life. They know about his roommates, Bailey and Nova, and their townhouse in Vancouver. They believe Ian when he talks about being an EMT. They're only on the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Ian's life. Fiona nor Ian has told Lip about Ian's mental state. Neither of the Gallagher siblings know about the events that Ian's mental state caused in Vancouver. Ian is keeping the secrets hidden, not wanting them to escape his tongue.

By the time one of the three looks at a clock, its 4:18am. The three have been talking for about three hours, while Fiona and Ian have been talking for about four hours. The hours have gone by quick. Fiona and Lip are afraid that Ian will escape from their grip and go back, leaving them even more in the dark. 

"Are you seeing anyone?" Fiona asks, trying to get to know her brother a little more.

"No. I mean I'll hang out with someone occasionally, but there's nothing serious in my life." Ian assures. He was never able to keep a stable relationship in his new life. There were two major things stopping him: his mental disease, and the man he's never forgotten about. "I'm just focusing on my mental health for awhile."

"Why do you need to do that?" Lip questions.

"No reason." Ian looks at the time. He knows it's still early, but he should do it now before he forgets. "Fi can I get a cup of water?" 

"Ya," Fiona nods, "Lip why don't you come with."

"Okay." Lip answers, confused. Why would Fiona want him to come with her?

The two siblings walk to the kitchen together in silence. Fiona wants to talk to Lip without Ian listening in. She wants to tell Lip the information she was going to tell when Ian walked down the stairs for the first time. She thinks Lip should know. Fiona knows it's not her secret to tell, but is afraid that Ian will withhold the information.

"Why did you want me to come with you? I'm sorry Fi, but I'd rather be talking with Ian." Lip whispers to his sister.

"There's things he's withholding, I just know it. He's not telling us everything and it's worrying me." Fiona whispers back while grabbing a cup.

"Withholding? Withholding what? Yeah he's acting sketchy, but maybe that's just how he is now. We don't know how much his personality has changed, maybe this is just who he is. Maybe he's turned out to be a sketchy guy." Lip wants to believe that Ian would tell him everything, even after eight years.

"No Lip, there's something you should know." Fiona fills up the cup with water.

"Then he can tell me. I don't want to force anything out of him. Fi we just got him back, I can't loose him again. Imagine another eight years? It was fucking torture, it was a personal hell for everyone." Lip starts walking back to the couch when he sees Ian searching for something in the gray backpack. There are already little orange containers on the couch. There are three little pill bottles, and it looks like Ian's searching for more in his bag.

"What the hell?" Lip almost yells at the sight of his brother looking for pills. His first thought is that his brother has ended up like their parents - an addict. Maybe he's looking for painkiller or another various drug he's attached himself to.

"Shit." Ian mumbles. Obviously it would be hard trying to swallow six different pills without Lip noticing, but he wanted to try to hide it. 

"Ian what are those?" Lip walks closer to Ian. Fiona stands just outside the kitchen holding the cup of water. 

"Pills."

"Ian I can see they're pills. I mean, why do you have three pill bottles already out and you're looking for more?" Lip walks over and snatches one of the bottles from the couch. He reads the words once again. He sees the words he hasn't seen since Monica was here before she died, but it was unlikely that she brought her pills or took them daily.

 _Lithium_

"Fuck." Ian mumbles. He doesn't know what else to say. Lip is still trying to connect the dots in his head. He tries to think about the information he has learned, the information Ian didn't tell him.

Lip looks at Fiona who is now just staring at the cup of water in her hands. She now knows why Ian needed the water. She feels relieved that Ian takes his pills, unlike their mother. Fiona was scared that she might have to force her little brother to take his pills the same way she had to force her mother.

"W-w-w-w-why do you take Lithium?" Lip stutters. He fears he knows the answer, but wants Ian to tell him. He sits down on the couch, staring at the two other little bottles next to him.

"Lip." Ian whispers. He hates saying the word. The word that he doesn't want, the word that has ruined his life, jeopardized friendships and relationships. He hates his mother for bringing him into the world with a curse. 

"You got it. You got the Monica gene. You're bipolar." 

"Yeah." Ian scrunches his face while searching in his bag for the two other bottles. All of his pills aren't just for his mental state, but also the injury that changed Ian's life a few years back. 

"Did you know?" Lip looks up at Fiona, whos now walking closer to the two brothers. 

"Yeah, he told me before you got here." Fiona still holds the water.

Once Ian has gotten all five pill bottles out of his bag, the siblings stare at him. Five pills, just in the morning. How many does he have to take at night? Does he have to take pills in the middle of the day? What pills does he take? How strong are the prescriptions? Ian opens up each bottle one by one, taking the exact amount of pills he knows he needs. In the end, he holds six pills in his hand - one medication he has to take two pills - and looks up at Fiona. Fiona slowly hands the water to her little brother and watches him take the pills.

"When did you find out?" Lip asks. He just watched his little brother take six pills. He wants to believe that all of them aren't just for the mental state Ian's in.

"I got diagnosed a little over a year after I left the army." Ian closes the last bottle up and throws it in his bag. 

"How did you find out?" 

"I did some crazy shit, got put in a mental hospital, the usual. Truly Monica's son." Ian fakes a smile. For the past six years, he has thought of himself only as Monica's son. When he can't get out of bed, Monica's son. When he looks at the excessive amount of pills he has to take, Monica's son. When he think's about the depressing actions he's done, Monica's son. When he thinks about the crazy shit he's done, Monica's son. There's no getting around the genetics. 

"Don't call yourself Monica, Ian." Fiona sits down next to Ian. Her on the right, Ian in the middle, and Lip on the left. 

"It's not wrong though. I hold Monica's DNA. I hold Monica's disease. I am Monica. She doesn't even know what she's done, and now she can't." Ian rants. He wish he could have told his mom about the genetics she's passed to him. For years all he wanted to do was yell at Monica. Coming back, he slightly hoped Monica would be here so he would tell at her. 

"You told him?" Lip looks at his sister.

"Yeah," Fiona doesn't know what else to say. No one knows how to break the ice from this conversation. Ian certainly doesn't want to keep talking about it. He just wants to move on, not talk about everything in his life. There's reasons he has his secrets, there's reasons why those secrets are under lock and key. 

"Where's Debbie?" Ian attempts to change the subject. 

"She moved out with her girlfriend and daughter." Fiona mentions.

"She has a girlfriend?" Ian questions.

"Ya, a Milkovich. Sandy." Lip informs. "It seems that half the Gallagher kids fell for Milkovichs."

"Isn't she Mickey and Mandy's cousin?" It was hard to keep track of all the Milkovichs. When Ian would go visit Mandy or Mickey, chances are that there would be some kind of other Milkovich there. It didn't matter if it was a sibling, cousin, or distinct relative, it was rare when two people could be alone in the house.

"Yeah, why don't I go call Debbie." Fiona gets up and takes her phone out of her pocket.

"How are they? Mickey and Mandy?' Ian looks at Lip.

"I don't know much about Mandy. I know she moved out a few years ago. I think she lives out of the state or something. Mickey's still here. He works at a tattoo shop, Moonshines. He's the one who did the tattoos we got for your birthday. He gave us fifty percent off, probably due to pity. We'll see him occasionally, not often though. He used to come over for your birthdays, not so much the past year or two." Lip looks up at his brother. "Mickey was really hurt when you left."

"Fiona said that he would help look for me, is that true?"

"Sometimes it seemed that he wanted you more back then we did. He told us about you two. He said that he loved you." 

_____________________________________________

Lip opens the door to The Albi on a spring Tuesday night. He's returned to the Gallagher house for his spring break, and needed to take the edge off. Maybe he just needed a drink, or maybe just to get things off his chest to Kevin. Lip knows Kevin will listen. Sometimes it's hard to talk to the other Gallaghers. There was only one Gallagher he really wanted to talk to, but Ian was gone.

"Heyyyyyyy, look who it is. Back from fancy college I seeeee." Lip looks at Mickey sitting at the bar, clearly drunk. Drunk enough to black out, but not enough to be poisonous. "I thought you said bye-bye to the Southside. Hey, just like your brother did. Ian. Fucking Ian. That fucking kid." Mickey takes another sip of his beer.

Tommy, Kermit, Kevin, Veronica, and Lip just watch Mickey in amazement. Mickey doesn't always get drunk like this, but it's been happening a bit more often lately. It's been a little longer than five months since Ian's departure. It seems that with every month Ian's gone, Mickey comes to the Alibi more and more.

"How long has he been here?" Lip asks the bartenders.

"Since four, I think, maybe earlier." Kevin guesses.

"And you didn't stop him?" Lip asks.

"He's a bartender, dumbassssss." Mickey slurs, "I'm a customer who wants booze, why not make a couple bucks help the family. Fucking family. Family fucking sucks. Not yours, you got a pretty good one. I mean not Frank, Franks a fucking asshole. Where is hee? Never mind, I don't care. What I was saying is that your family is pretty good. Especially that brother of yours, Ian. Ian. I fucking miss that little bitch. Ya know-"

"Okay I'm gonna take him home." Lip interrupts Mickey. Lip is part of the small elite group that knows about Mickey and Ian's relationship. He also knows that if Mickey drinks anymore, he might out himself. For the time being, Terry is in jail. But with Tommy's homophobia, the secret might get spilled. Lip has never been the biggest fan of Mickey, but he doesn't want him killed. Lip also knows how much he meant to Ian, and the way they felt about each other.

"I'm fine." Mickey starts to hiccup.

"No you're not, come on." Lip grabs his arms and helps him stand up. "Let's go."

Mickeys giggling as they walk out of the bar. Correction, Lip is walking while Mickey is barely moving. Lip puts Mickey's arm around his shoulders, as he once did with a drunk Ian.

"Whyyyyy did you do thissss?' Mickey asks. His face is close to Lips. Lip gets a whiff of alcohol from Mickeys intoxicated mouth.

"Because I didn't feel like having you saying something stupid and getting killed."

"You knowww. I knoww you knowww. Ian told me he told youuu. Ian. Fuckingg Ian. I fucking care about him. I fought my dadd for him. I doon't doo that for anybody. I'm guesssing he told you what happened. It was saddddd. It makes me saddd. Now I got a fucking son. I don't like my son. Maybe he's not even my sooon. He could be my brotherrr. Your brotherr, your brotherrr is amazing. He's amazing in person, in bed."

"I'm going to stop you right there. I don't need to hear about you and Ian." Lip says. He thinks about taking Mickey back to his house, but the Gallagher house is a tad closer. He doesn't feel like dragging Mickey all the way to his house.

"Iannn. I fucking miss him."

"I know you do, I do too."

"Can I tell you a secrettt? Shhhhhhh." Mickey obnoxiously whispers. "I'm gonnaa tell you anywayyyssss. Guessss what? I love him. I love himmmm." Lip almost drops Mickey when he hears those last two sentences. 

"You love Ian?" Lip wants to listen to Mickey. This is probably the only time Mickey will be emotional like this, this is also the only time he can say he's gay with someone without getting beat up.

"I fucking love Iannnnn. Iannnn. It's such a pretty name, also good to moan."

"No talking about moaning."

"Fine. But his eyeesss, oh those eyes! Fuck Philip. He hass pretty eyessss. Very, very, very green eyes. His hair too. It was sooooo red. It was very red and I liked that. I mean it kind of made him look like an alien, but it was fucking cool. But fuckk man, I love him. I love Iann fucking Gallagherrr. Now hes gonee." Mickey starts to tear up. "Heeess gone and I can't find him. I didn't even say goodbye. When he came by I didn't tell him byeee, I just said 'don't'. Whatt kind of fuckingg idiot am I? Don'tttt? Don't! I didn't even elaboratee. I just said one fucking word. Now he's gone. I thinkk he said armmyy or something."

"What? What about the army?" Lip stops suddenly.

"He saiddd he was joinninngg the army. He saidd he found a way arounddd the ageeee thingy. I don't knoww Philip."

"Thanks Mick." Lip resumes walking.

"For whattttt?" Mickey is half awake by the time they get to the Gallaghers street.

"A clue."

"I helpeddd? I never helppp. That's what my dad says at least. He saysss I don't help and I just fuckk uppp. I hate himmm. I fuckingg hate himm. He made Ian go bye-bye. I didn't want Ian to go bye-bye. I loveee himmm so fucking much Philip."

"Okay Mickey, I know." Lip says as he opens the front door. He and Mickey stumble in.

"What the fuck?" Fiona jumps up from the couch when she sees the two boys.

"Mickey is very drunk and very emotional when drunk." Lip informs his sister.

"I loveeeee Iannnn gallagherrrrr." Mickey sings. "I looveeee Iaannnn Gallagghherrrr."

"See." Lip tries not to laugh.

"Okay, Why didn't you take him back to his house?"

"He's talking about how he's in love with another dude, plus it's too far away."

"Didd you knowww, Iann wouldd sayyy I'mmm tinyyyyy. I'mmm not tinnyyy, I'mm average. He's just a tall motherfuckerr, it's not fairrrrr."

"I get what you mean." Fiona starts walking towards the two men. "What are we going to do?"

"I'll put him in Ian's bed for the night, see how he feels in the morning." Lip says.

"That's good, I'll get water for him."

"Watterrrrr. Iannn said my eyes looked like waterrrr." Mickey laughs.

"Okay Mickey, are you ready to go to sleep?" Lip asks, walking up the stairs.

"It's night-night time?"

"Yes, it's night-night time." Lip tries not to laugh. Mickey is always so fierce and intimidating, this was a new perspective on the man. They walk up the the room where Ian used to sleep.

"Noo, nooo, noooooo." Mickey says when he looks at Ian's bed.

"What do you mean no?" Fiona walks in and asks.

"This is Ians beddd." Mickey loudly whispers, the other two are confused why he's trying to whisper. "He might come home and see me going night-night in his bed."

Now both siblings are trying not to laugh at Mickey's drunk vocabulary. "I think Ian will be fine if you spend the night in his bed. I bet that he would wake you up so you could sleep together."

Mickey giggles. "You said that Ian and I should sleep togetherrr. Wee did that a lotttttt. Philip, Philip, Philip, can I tell you another secretttt?"

"I'm scared." Lip says as he sets Mickey down on the bed.

"Iannn was my firstttt kissss. I'vee fucked many, many, many girlsss. I don't like fuckingg girls, I wanttt to get fuckkeddd by a dudeee. Like Iann, I likedd fuckingg with Iann. Anyways, he was my firstt kisss. My rule when fucking was nooooo kissing, but I kissseddd Ian. And guess whattt? That same fuckinggg day, I got shot in the assss."

"Wow." Fiona doesn't know how to react to Mickey getting shot in the ass. "Ian must have been pretty special to you."

"I lovee him. I lovee him. I lovee him." Mickey lays down on Ian's bed. He hugs Ians pillow and smells it. It still smells like Ian. So Mickey falls asleep, picturing that he's hugging Ian and not a pillow.

_____________________________________________

"He said what?" Ian doesn't know how to react. Sometimes he thought Mickey hated him, especially after his dad caught them together. He remembers he way he said goodbye to Mickey, the way both men were on the verge of tears. 

"I think you should see him before you leave. You two have unfinished business, and it almost broke him."

"Broke him? How? Is Mickey okay?" Ian gets more concerned than ever about the man he loved. The man who loved him.

"The first two years were pretty tough on him. He told us about Svetlana and what happened." That name brings shivers down Ian's spine. "After the baby was born, he went through a rough patch. He wouldn't really look at the kid, only thinking about you and the actions that led to the birth. Most of all, he blamed himself for you leaving. Mickey always imagined that it was his fault, after what happened. He started to get a little aggressive, drinking a bit to much and doing more drugs than usual. He really cared for you, I think he still does."

It breaks Ian's heart thinking about how he broke Mickey. Mickey. Ian loved Mickey more than anything. Sometimes he would stay up late at night and think about the playful memories he had with Mickey. Maybe there was some truth in what Lip said, maybe what happened with Svetlana was a factor that went into his departure. He really tried to forget that morning. Occasionally, Ian's mind would still torture him with nightmares about that morning.

"Fiona what the fuck do you want at four in the morning." Debbie yawns and moans.

"You need to come home Debbie." 

"What the fuck! Is everything okay?" Debbie sits straight up in her bed. Anything can happen at the Gallaghers. If someone says there's a need to come home urgently, then they need to get back urgently.

"Ian-"

"Ian!" Debbie interrupts her sister. "What about Ian?" 

"If you let me finish, I would have told you that Ian's here."

"Ians there!" Debbie almost screams.

"Debbie what the fuck." Sandy wakes up, not very happily. 

"I gotta go Sandy. My brothers back." Like Lip, Debbie has mentioned Ian to her significant other. 

"Ian?" Sandy quesitons.

"Yes Ian, I gotta go. Please look after Franny." Debbie starts to run out of her apartment. "Fiona he's back?"

"Yes Debbie, he's back."

"Who else knows?" 

"It's just Lip and I at the moment."

"I'll be there soon."

"Debbie should be here pretty quickly." Fiona walks back in, not knowing about the conversation the two men were having. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we were just talking about Mickey." Lip smiles. Ian is still in a deep thought about Mickey. He knew that he had to visit Mickey today.

"You okay Ian." Fiona puts her hand on Ians shoulder."

"I'm fine, just thinking." Ian plasters a smile on his face. "Do you think she'll let me meet Franny?"

"Of course she would." Lip smiles.

"How old is she?"

"She just turned five in winter." Fiona informs.

"What about Freddie?"

"He's about eight months, if you want to meet him." Lip gets exited thinking about Ian meeting Freddie.

"Maybe." Ian asks.

"Can I ask you a question?" Fiona says out of the blue.

"You just did, but sure you can ask another." Ian smiles.

"Did anyone know?"

"Know what?"

"About us, about you. Who you were, where you're from, anything from your past." Fiona questions. Lip had learned about Ian's false identity and was starting to think the same question.

"Yeah, I mean eventually. Remember the money. They had to know, I wouldn't just send three thousand dollars to anyone."

__________________________________________ 

The front door was unlocked by the two girls giggling. Bailey, with her long brunette hair and her different colored eyes caused by Heterochromia, had told a little joke before opening the door. Nova, a slightly shorter girl with dyed light pink hair, was next to her. The two girls stopped when they witnessed what their roommate was doing. Ian was pacing back and forth over the little area of their living room. He was mumbling to himself, trying to think of what to say. He didn't even notice when the door opened, nor did he hear the laughter from the two girls. 

"Are you practicing your runway walk?" Nova asks. Bailey elbows her in the ribs. Nova's comment gets Ian's attention.

"Ian are you okay?" Bailey asks, worried about Ians mental stability. She was there when he got diagnosed, thinking that she was the only family Ian had. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ian speaks, but doesn't stop pacing. 

The two girls look at each other, curious about Ians mental state. "Are you sure?" Nova questions. She puts a hand on Ian's shoulder, causing him to halt.

"I need to tell you two something." Ian's eyes are filled with worry,

"If you're going to tell us you're gay, we already know. I think we found out when you brought a dude back for the first time." Nova has never been really good in serious moments. Her state of anxiety causes her to make jokes in serious moments.

"What Nova is trying to say," Bailey gives her female roommate a sharp look, "is that you can tell us anything."

"Can you two sit down, please."

"You're not dying, are you?" Nova questions. This was not one of her awkward jokes, but a serious question.

"No, I'm not dying." Ian says as the two girls sit down. "However, I am a liar."

"A liar?" Bailey asks.

"What do you mean a liar?" Nova questions.

"I'm a liar," Ian starts to babble and rant, "I lied about who I am. My name isn't Ian Charles Graces, that's a lie. My name is Ian Gallagher. I'm still from Chicago, that part was true. I ran away when I was seventeen. I'm not an only child, I didn't grow up in foster care - well I kinda did, whenever CPS would snatch my siblings and I from our house. I have five other siblings, two sisters and three brothers. I'm the third oldest. My parents are complete assholes who are addicts and unexplainable people. One time my dad lost my baby brother on a dare to another dude in a bar. I guess Liam isn't a baby anymore, probably about four or five now. I was in ROTC for most of my high school experience. I ran off to the army when I was seventeen. My mom's bipolar so I know where I got that from. What else? Oh ya, my sister had to work five jobs and drop out of school to take care of us. My mom was never around, only came around to drop off another baby or steal money. And my dad isn't my dad, my mom cheated on who I thought was my dad with his brother. We were almost broke so we had to steal most of what we ate. There were times where we lived in a van because our grandma kicked us out of the house. She's dead now. She was in prison for awhile after having her meth lab blown up and killing a few college kids, but she got out on compassionate release after learning she had cancer. Funny enough, one of my younger brothers thought he got cancer after spending time with her building another meth lab. So my five siblings are Fiona, Lip, Debbie, Carl, and Liam. I mean I'm still the same person, and you can still trust me, but I'm just not who I say I am."

The two girls look at Ian in confusion. Both trying to process everything Ian told them. They were told that Ian Graces was an only child whos parents dropped him off at a fire station and then he grew up in the foster care system.

"Please say something." Ian looks at his roommates.

"Wow." That's all Bailey can say. "So you lied to us about who you were?"

"Fuck, ya. I know it was wrong, but I didn't want anyone to come looking after me."

"Why not?" Nova asks.

"Well there are multiple reasons. I'm convinced I would just be another burden to my family, especially my older sister who took care of us. She didn't need another person to look after. Our house was always chaotic. It's cheaper without me there. Like I said, we didn't have a lot of money growing up. It was just easier this way. There's also the fact that I think the military is after me."

"The military is after you!" Bailey yells.

"Yeah. I enlisted using my older brothers name when I was seventeen. I always wanted to be in the army and didn't feel like waiting until I was eighteen. Then I attempted to hotwire a helicopter, not sure why I wanted to do that anymore. So I'm pretty sure the MP's are after me now."

"MPs?" Nova asks. 

"Military police. So that's why I had to get out, start a new life. I gave a guy some money, and he helped me create a new identity. Do you hate me?"

"We don't hate you Ian." Nova starts.

"We're just a little surprised, that's all." Bailey assures him.

_________________________________________________________

The door slams open for the second time that night. Another Gallagher in their pajamas enters. Debbie enters and almost screams like Lip did. She looks at Ian. She looks at her brother. Her older brother. Ian. The other half of GG's - Ginger Gallaghers. She looks at the person who would help her growing up when anyone else who was older wasn't there for her. Ian was there, I was there for her.

Ian gets up from the couch to hug his little sister. They hug about the same amount of time that Ian and Fiona hugged, a little less. Just after a few hours of not crying, Ian starts to cry again. Each time he hugs someone he's missed dearly, his eyes will water. How could he not cry? It's emotional seeing someone after eight years. 

"Ian." Debbie smiles and looks up at her brother after they release their death grips from one other. "You're here."

"I'm here." Ian smiles. He kisses the top of Debbies head. "I'm here." He pulls her into another hug. 

"You're here." Debbie repeats herself. "Eight years, three months, and six days."

"What?" Ian lets go of his little sister.

"I never stopped counting the days you were gone. It's been eight years, three months, and six days since you left. But now you're here again, you're back." 

"You never stopped counting?"

"I wanted to remember, I wanted to count the days until you would return." Debbie looks around, "Where's Carl?

"He's still asleep." Fiona speaks.

"You didn't wake him up? I'll be right back." Debbie starts running up the stairs.

"Is it still impossible to wake him up?" Ian looks at his other siblings.

"I think it's gotten worse over time. We could all be screaming bloody murder and that kid would still be asleep." Lip jokes.

Debbie storms up the stairs and runs straight to Carl's room. She thinks of ways to wake her brother. Her first thought is to grab a pillow and start hitting Carl with it. So that's what she does. She takes a pillow off the ground of the floor and starts hitting Carl with it. After about two minutes she gives up on thinking that will work. She has another idea, it's not a very nice one. She doesn't care, Carl needs to see Ian. She wants to go back downstairs to see Ian. 

Debbie grabs one of Carls feet, and starts yanking on it. She uses her strength to push her brother off the bed. When he falls down with a thud, the others downstairs start to question their sisters actions. 

"Debbie what the fuck?" Carl asks, still being pulled by Debbie. "What the fuck are you doing?

"You're coming downstairs with me." 

"What the fuck let me go!" Carl starts kicking. The Gallaghers downstairs can't help but laugh. Ian loves that this is the first words he's hearing out of his younger brothers mouth after eight years. "I'll get up on my own! Just let me go! I promise I'll come!"

Debbie lets go of Carls leg. "Hurry up."

"Why did you wake me so fucking early Debbie?" Carl starts walking down the stairs to the kitchen. "I was sleeping, don't you know it's rude to wake-" Carl stops when he sees it. He looks at the red hair he only sees in pictures. Except this time, it's not a picture. This time, it's Ian. Ian is there, standing in front of him. Ian is home.

Like all the other Gallaghers, Carl runs to hug him. Carl is not one to cry too often, sometimes thinking he will become less masculine if he cries. But at that moment, fuck masculinity. He is going to cry after not seeing his brother for eight years.

At about six in the morning, everyone starts to get a little hungry. So the Gallaghers do something they haven't been able to do for eight years, make a breakfast for all the siblings. 

"I'm going to go wake up Liam." Debbie smiles and skips while Lip is flipping the pancakes.

"Please be nicer to him than you were with me." Carl yells. He notices Ian looking and smiling at him. Ian's leaning on the table just watching everyone. "Before you eat on the table, you should know that's where Debbie had her baby. Like right on that table."

"That was five years ago," Fiona comments as she sees Ian walk away from the table, "and we cleaned it."

"I don't think that was something I needed to know." Ian jokes. He walks over to Lip and the pancakes.

"Do you remember when you would eat straight pancake batter?" Lip mentions the past while flipping pancakes. "I thought it was the most disgusting thing in the world, but you said it was delicious. I think a better word would have been delusional because that shit is nasty."

"I was fifteen. You can't judge, you used to eat weird things too. Didn't you used to eat your goldfish with chocolate chips?" Ian retaliates.

"I was ten! Ten is better than fifteen. Also, it was the perfect combination of sweet and savory."

"I think it was a combination of weird and weirder." Fiona jokes.

"Debbie I'm coming." Liam says, being pulled by his older sister. "It's six in the morning."

Ian gets a sick feeling in his stomach. Liam won't even know who he is. The two brothers don't know anything about the other. Ian missed Liam growing up, and Liam was only alive for two years when Ian was there. Liam was the only person Ian said goodbye to, but it's doubtful that he would remember that. It's still confusing to Ian on how Liam will react to his return. 

Liam gets to the bottom of the stairs and stares. He stares at Ian. Liam has only truly seen Ian through pictures. He's never heard Ian's voice, except in little videos taken.

"Is that?" Liam asks and looks at his older brother.

"Ian." Debbie smiles and looks at her older brother.

"Hey." Ian speaks. This has to be the most awkward return Ian has had with his siblings. Liam doesn't know Ian, Ian doesn't know Liam. The two are strangers. Ian doubts Liam will like the same things he liked as a two year old. 

Liam doesn't care about the awkwardness or the lack of knowledge about each other, he still runs up to hug Ian. He knows it's his brother. He's seen the pictures, he looks at the one above the fireplace constantly. He thinks about the brother he never met.

_________________________________________________________

"Can you tell me?" Liam asks, sitting outside on a scorching hot summer day in Chicago. It's just him and Fiona laying on rafts in the pool. Liam is only seven years old, but is quite bright for his age. 

"Tell you about what?" Fiona asks and looks at him through her sunglasses.

"About Ian." Liam knows it's a touchy subject for all the Gallaghers, except maybe Frank, but he wants to learn more. He never truly met Ian. He's never had a civilized conversation with him. All Liam knows is pictures and stories told on his birthday,

Fiona just looks at him. "What do you want to know?" Fiona thinks it's time Liam learns more about his brother. He deserved to know more.

"Anything really. I just know stories, I don't want a story. I want to know what he was like. I wish I could have really gotten to know him."

"I wish that too." Fiona smiles. "I don't really know who to truly explain Ian. Ian was just...well Ian. He was an army loving kid with the warmest smile. He's always wanted to be in the army since he was a kid. He would do one hundred push-ups before school, and that's not an exaggeration. He was obsessed with the army, I still don't know why. I think it's because he always wanted to help others. He was probably the most helpful brother. He didn't have the easiest schedule - school, homework, and ROTC - but he still found time to get a job and help the family. He was a smiley person, usually smiling when he walked into a room. That smile could make anyone else smile just by looking at it, no matter what their mood is. And if their mood was down, Ian would hesitate to help them in any way he can. He was truly selfless-"

"You only talk about the good things," Liam interrupts, "I want to know everything." Everyone talks about Ian like he's some kind of saint, but Liam knows that can't be true. If he was a saint, he wouldn't have left. 

"You wanted everything, right. Ian was flawed, he is a Gallagher. He had some anger issues. I think he came home with more bruises than he did without any, and not just from the ROTC. He didn't handle change very well, that was always hard for him. It would take him a bit more time to handle change than anyone else would. Not to mention, he was also a really fussy baby. He would not stop crying, and was not fun to take care of. He was also very adventurous, which could be good and bad. Most of the time it would be bad, I cannot count how many times we lost Ian somewhere. Most days I thought about getting him a backpack with a leash on it so he couldn't get lost." Fiona's mood changes after that last sentence. Lost. Maybe she should have gotten that leash backpack so Ian wouldn't be lost.

"You keep talking in past tense." 

"What?'

"You were saying that he _was_ adventurous or that he _was_ helpful. Maybe he still is, you don't know. He may still be that same Ian. I wish I knew him though."

"I wish that too. You two can be quite similar sometimes."

"Really? How?"

"You were both very intelligent in English, you both stood up for what you believe in, and you two are both the most loving people I know. Don't tell your siblings I told you that." Fiona laughs with her brother. "Maybe someday he'll come back, and you'll finally get to know him the same way we all did."  
_________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey Liam." Ian says as he bends down to hug the littlest brother.

"Ian." Liam smiles. He has been waiting for this moment since he could truly comprehend who Ian was. He has been waiting since he was two years old for his moment, to get his brother back. He finally gets to truly meet his brother.

"Hey little man." Ian probably hugs Liam a bit tighter than anyone else. This was the first time he could truly do this. Baby Liam could hug and do a few sentences, but couldn't truly comprehend life around him. Now Liam is ten, and he and Ian can finally talk.

When Ian stands up, he rolls up his sleeves. Underneath his sleeves show two tattoos: a vertical rose tattoo going up his wrist. Their bright with green and red pigments. 

"Nice tattoos." Carl points out.

"Shit." Ian mumbles and rolls his sleeves down again. The whole room stops. Everyone is confused at Ian's action. Was he embarrassed of the rose tattoos on his wrist? The siblings look at Fiona, thinking that she may have the answer. She gives them the _Don't ask_ look, not wanting to spook Ian.

So they go along, having a nice little sibling breakfast. The conversations flow smoothly as Ian catches up with his siblings. He's happy, truly happy. But Lip is concerned about his brother, concerned about the secrets, concerned about the rose tattoos on his wrist. 


	4. My Boy is Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost everyone finally gets to see Ian back once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) Thank you for 1500 hits oh my gosh!!!! Thank you for all the nice kudos and comments too.  
> Remember when I said this would be a weekly thing, sorry about that. I could lie and say I was busy last week, but I just kinda forgot to do it. Sorry about that, I'll keep trying to maintain the once a week chapters.
> 
> Here are the TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!  
> \- bipolar disorder/depression  
> \- drug use - cocaine  
> \- mentions of rape

The Gallagher house was filled with the joyful sounds of all the siblings being back together. It was their first breakfast together in eight years. Everything went perfectly and smoothly, except for the questions about Ians tattoos. It was only brought up once since it seemed that Ian felt it wasn't needed to talk about his tattoos. There was a point in the siblings first breakfast together where Debbie talked about her daughter for over fifteen minutes. She bombarded her brother with various pictures on her phone or the littlest facts about her daughter. Ian listened to every word his siblings told him, afraid that he will miss something. 

After everyone finished breakfast, the clean up started. Of course, all the Gallaghers insisted that Ian didn't help with the clean up and that he should just relaxing at the kitchen table. Ian watched his siblings get busy with the dishes. He felt claustrophobic with all these questions about his new life coming from everyone around him. Being the guest of honor made Ian's anxiety sky high.

Ian, somehow, managed to find a way to quietly sneak away into the backyard. He takes his backpack with him as he sneaks out like a rebellious teenager. The siblings were either in the kitchen doing the dishes or elsewhere retrieving something. Ian just needed a break from everything. He forgot how chaotic, loud, and crowded the Gallagher house can be.

Ian sits down on the back steps for a moment and looks up into the Chicago sky. The setting is still fairly dark. The sun has barely risen this early in the morning. The sky showed no blue, only gray. It was covered in gray clouds, looking like there was a chance for some rain. Almost everything in the neighborhood looked the same to Ian. There were some differences he noticed. It had become more electronic, filled with trends. It was still the shitty Southside Chicago, but with more yoga pants and Starbucks. Many of the buildings seem to have been remodeled, but it still looked the same to Ian. It would always be the same to him.

He looks down at the gray backpack in his hands, hoping to find what he was looking for. He finds something, but it wasn't what he was looking for.

Under the various pill bottles in his bag, there was an envelope. It was an envelope that had the word _Gallaghers_ written on it. He looks down at the letter in his hand. What if Fiona looked at this letter before she welcomed him back home? What if someone saw this letter? He knew he should destroy this letter he wrote, but didn't have the heart to rip it. So, Ian just shoved in back down into the bottom of his bag. It was unlikely that someone would go snooping through his bag, mainly because he constantly carried it with him, so it was safe.

He takes out what he really wanted-cigarettes. He needed something to take the edge off this whole reunion. It was exciting to see everyone, but also chaotic. He didn't feel mentally prepared for this reunion and the emotions that came with it. He honestly didn't think he would see anyone. Ian just thought that he could drop off the flowers and letter then leave. But no, he had to knock on the door. To be fair, he did think everyone would be asleep at that point. 

He takes the little light blue Bic lighter out of his bag. He stares at it for a moment. It was something he took when him when he left. Not when he left his home in Vancouver to come back, but something he stole from the Gallagher house on his way to enlist in the army. In his troubled times, he would stare at the lighter he kept on his nightstand. It was covered in various doodles drawn on by a Sharpie. It didn't work very well anymore. Ian tried not to use it often, he had other lighters for his cigarettes. The drawings have started to fade since he would cling onto it in times of worry. This lighter reminded him of everything- Chicago, his friends, the Gallaghers, everything. He kept it close to him.

"Needed a break?" Someone speaks as they close the door behind them.

"I forgot how chaotic the house is." Ian takes a drag looks up at his older brother.

"Somethings never change." Lip smiles as he sits next to Ian.

"I needed to get of there, I felt like I was being choked. It's all 'Ian this,' or 'Ian that'. I just needed time to myself."

"We're just curious, you can't blame us for that."

"I know, I'm curious too. I mean there are times where I would almost look up you guys on the internet, but always stopped myself." Ian plays with the lighter in his hand.

"Why?"

"Didn't think I should come back." When Lip doesn't say anything, Ian knows he has to explain. "I saw it, I grew up with it. Everyone with Monica. The constant worry about her and her disorder, questioning if she took her meds. I didn't want to worry anyone with that. I just thought that I needed to get better by myself, then maybe see you."

"And it took eight years?"

"Shit happened Lip, shit I didn't expect. Nothing has been easy for me."

"What's happened?" Lip looks at his younger brother with caring eyes.

"I can't talk about it," Ian looks down at the lighter in his hands, "here." He hands the lighter to Lip.

"What's this?" Lip grabs the lighter, confused.

"It's your lighter. I took it when I left. I've kept it. It doesn't work that well anymore, but it helps with my anxiety. It's something easy to hold onto when I feel anxious or manic. It's kept me grounded. But there's always been this guilt, guilt that I took this from you." Ian still looks at the ground, not wanting to see his brothers reaction.

"It's okay," Lip rubs his brothers back, "I'm not mad."

"You're not?" Ian finally looks up at his brother.

"No, why would I be? Because you took some stupid lighter? Ian, I'm kinda happy you took that. I like that something of mine was there to help you when I couldn't be there for you." Lip flashes his goofy smile, the specific one he brings out to help people feel better. It works, the goofy smile helps Ian smile.

"You're not mad?"

"I'm not mad."

"Yo, dipshits," Carl opens the door, "come inside before you freeze."

"It's not cold enough for us to freeze." Ian plasters his best smile back on. He stomps his half finished cigarette on the deck.

"You know you don't have to smoke outside, we all do it inside." Carl insures.

"Force of habit, I guess. I'm the only one who smokes cigarettes in my house." Ian says as he walks back inside. He sees Fiona, Debbie. and Liam in the midst of a conversation.

"Hey," Debbie smiles, "is everything okay?"

"Peachy keen." Ian keeps his smile going.

The three eldest siblings have yet to mention Ian's mental stability to the youngest three. It's not that Ian doesn't want to tell them, just that he wants to keep things cheery for the time being. 

Ian looks at the time on the microwave, 7:13. For him, it feels like it's 4:13. He's still not used to the time change, but he's stayed up all night with various cups of coffee. He doesn't want to fall asleep or go back to his motel just yet. Everyone, whos awake, in the house is tired. The lack of sleep is attacking everyone. The feeling of having Ian back keeps everyone awake, but still gives them the ability to feel a bit tired. Everyone just keeps drinking multiple cups of coffee to stay awake. Everyone but Liam. 

"Fuck," Ian stares at the clock on the microwave, "don't you guys have work, or school? I don't want any of you to get in trouble, I can leave and come back later."

"No!" Fiona accidentally yells. It startles everyone in the room. "No, you don't have to do that. I can call Liam's school and Patsy's and say we're not coming in today."

"I'm a freelancer and don't have any appointments today." Debbie assures.

"I've already texted Brad." Lip speaks.

"I might still need to tell Kevin." Carl admits. Ever since Kevin has opened his own gym, he has hired Carl to work as a trainer, Carl finds the job quite calming, getting to scream at rich people. Carl's comment makes everyone laugh.

"Actually, I should also call the shop." Lip says as Carl walks away. "I don't even know if Brad will be there today or back at his house with the baby."

"Okay, hurry back." Debbie calls after him.

Lip runs upstairs to the bedroom he would share with Ian. Ian's bed is still there, same bed and same sheets. No one had the heart to remove it. Everyone believed that if or when Ian came back, he would find comfort in his old bed. No one slept in that bed. There was that one time Mickey Milkovich got drunk and slept there, and sometimes Frank will try to sleep there (but everyone would kick him off, not wanting a rat like him to sleep in Ian's bed).

But Lip doesn't call his job, he has to search through his contacts to find the M section. He knows this probably isn't the best way to hear the news, but this is how he heard it. Everyone should know. **Everyone**. The phone only rings a few times before the recipient picks up.

"Hey Philip, finally getting that tattoo for you son?" Mickey answers the phone. Lip can hear that he's moving around, trying to do something. 

"No, I actually have something to tell you." Lip's voice is soft, not wanting to scare the thug. 

"Okay?" Mickey questions why Lip is being nice to him. Usually Lip retaliates as soon as Mickey uses his full name.

"Ian's home."

Immediately after those words leave Lips lips, he hears the sound of Mickey hanging up. He doesn't understand why. Maybe Mickey was busy doing something. Maybe he had his son over this week. Lip would have thought Mickey would have had the same reactions as any of the other Gallaghers. But he doesn't give up, and calls Mickey again.

Mickey answers after the phone rings only twice. "I don't know if this is some sick fucking game you're playing or if you fell of the wagon and you're drunk, but never fucking say that. You think this is fucking funny? You think this is some joke? After eight years you're finally making jokes." It sounds that Mickey could cry. "Well congradu-fucking-lations Philip. It's just one big joke. It's a joke to you, to me, to fucking Ian. I'm laughing so fucking hard!" Mickey starts to yell. "Do you see how funny I'm finding this! Can you hear my fucking laughter! Because this is all one big fucking joke, isn't it? Isn't it! While we're at it, why don't I just walk to The Alibi and see Ian having a drink? Wouldn't that be hilarious! Life is just one big fucking joke! Hahahahaha! See, there's the fucking laughter you were looking for. Fuck you, don't ever fucking call me or say that again." Mickey hangs up once again.

Lip's confused on why Mickey wouldn't believe him, everyone else believed Fiona when she told them Ian was home. Lip knows he shouldn't call Mickey. Mickey would either yell at him or not answer. Lip knows there's a chance that Mickey already blocked his number. Lip just guesses that Mickey will have to find out by himself. Lip knows how hard Mickey took Ian's disappearance. Not only did he have his own stories about the grief, but also the stories Mandy told him.

____________________________________________________

"What the fuck?" Mandy slams the door behind her. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Mickey asks. He smiles after just doing a line of coke. After all the drug deals done with his family, he never really got into the use of drugs. But he thought, fuck it. "I'm having some fucking fun."

"No, you're killing yourself." Mandy stands in front of her brother.

"What's the difference? We're all gonna die anyways." Mandy has never seen her brother high on cocaine, she never had to. Mickey always tried to be a better example to Mandy than anyone else in their family could have been. This meant not black out drinking, no fights/gun fights, and never doing hard drugs.

"Is this about Ian?" It's been several months since Ian's disappearance, and everyday Mickey gets worse and worse.

"Don't you fucking talk about him!" Mickey quickly stands up. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about?" Mickey starts to walk away.

Mandy is done with her brothers wallowing, and knows that he needs to understand everything in that thick skull of his. She storms after Mickey. "Fuck you Mickey. 'You don't know what the fuck you're talking about?' Fuck you. Ian was my best fucking friend. You don't think I'm sad? You don't think I want to do shit to? But I fucking can't, and you can't either. What are you trying to do? It seems that you're trying to forget him."

"Fuck you." Mickey stops walking in the kitchen.

"Oh really? You don't understand, do you? Most nights you're black out drunk. You're ruining your brain with fucking drugs. You stay at home all the fucking time wallowing in your pity. You just want to forget him."

"Fuck you!" Mickey screams. He grabs a plate on the counter and smashes it on the ground. This action makes Mandy flinch and back off. Tears start falling from Mickeys eyes. "Fuck you! I don't want to forget him! I fucking loved him! You're the one who doesn't fucking understand anything. You were fucking oblivious that your best friend and brother were secretly fucking. Why do you think he'd rather come here than you two be at the Gallagher house? It's because of me! He wanted me, not you. So fuck you, saying I'm trying to forget him. I can't fucking forget him, no matter how hard I try. What's the fucking point without Ian? He made me feel something. He is the first person who I truly loved that wasn't myself or you. He fucking loved me and I fucking love him. So don't try to fucking understand, you can't fucking understand. He was my one chance of happiness, and now he's gone. He's fucking gone." Mickey sinks onto the floor, sobbing and screaming his feelings out. "He's gone! Mandy, he's gone! I didn't want him to leave!" 

"Shhh, shhh." Mandy runs to comfort her brother. "It's okay, it's okay. It's not your fault."

"You don't know that. I'm a piece of shit. I'm just fucking Southside trash. I was nothing more than a fuckbuddy to him, and then everything fucking changed."

"What changed?" Mandy wraps her arm about the crying brother. 

"Why do you think Svetlana is here? Why do you think she had my fucking kid? Because Terry caught us, he caught Ian and me. He forced her to 'fuck the faggot out' of me." This fact leaves Mandy speechless. She was confused on why Svetlana was there, or why Mickey would have hooked up with her. She never expected this, never expected what came out of Mickeys mouth. She just holds on tight to her brother and lets him cry it out.

"Please, please don't do it again. I can't loose you too." Mandy whispers to her brother. "Please, no more cocaine."

"Okay." Mickey says between sobs.

__________________________________________

Lip hides everything that just happened, and walks happily down the stairs. He plasters on a smile, making the lie that he just had to call work believable. When he reaches the bottom steps, he hears the other Gallagher siblings talk about.

"What was the army like?" Debbie asks.

"Controlling, I didn't like that aspect of it." Ian explains.

"Isn't that what the army's supposed to do?" Carl questions.

"Of course you would know all about that, military school kid." Ian jokes. "How come I never got to go to military school?"

"Didn't ask." Fiona shrugs.

"Didn't offer to pay, I had to pay my way in." Carl speaks.

"Barely, he got a scholarship because some percent in his white body is Native American." Liam jokes.

"That helped too." Carl mumbles. 

For the fourth time in less than twelve hours, the door slams open. This time, three people come inside. 

"What the fuck Carl? What do you mean Ian's back?" Kevin puts down his little girls he was carrying.

"I mean, look up you idiot." Carl smiles.

Kevin looks up and sees that spark of red hair in front of him. It's the same kid who would, not so secretly, secretly check him out during shirtless times in the summer. It's the same awkward kid who hated asking for help with something. It's the same kids.

"Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!' Those are the only two words Kevin can say as he walks towards Ian. For the sixth time, he gives an estranged family member a hug. Kevin isn't blood related, but is still family. "You've grown." Kevin makes everyone laugh.

"That's what I said!" Lip yells.

"No," Ian corrects and steps out of the hug. "You said, 'holy shit you're tall,' there's a difference." 

"It's basically the same thing asshole." Lip flips his brother off.

"V!" Kevin yells. "V!" Veronica chose to wait outside. She didn't know if this was a prank or not, so she made Kevin go in first.

"Is it real?" She carefully peeps her head in. 

"I think I look real. I feel pretty real." Ian jokes.

"Ian!" Veronica runs and hugs Ian.

"You didn't have to wait outside." Ian smiles.

"I thought it was fake, I didn't want to get my hopes up. So I did what I do best, make Kevin see if it's safe first." Everyone laughs at Veronicas joke.

"I was trying to get some fucking sleep before you guys decided to have a fucking party." A grumpy Frank yells from the top of the stairs.

"No one say anything." Ian loudly whispers and escapes Veronica's death grip. "I want to see if he notices, act natural." 

Honestly, Ian doesn't think Frank will notice. No one really thinks that Frank will notice. He doesn't really talk about Ian or what happened. He's only at Ian's birthday celebrations for the cake and the booze, he makes sure to come after the stories and the tears.

Everyone pretends to act normal as they hear Frank coming down the stairs, muttering various swear words as he descends from the top. The group tries to stop themselves from laughing like a group of teenagers. 

"You're tall." Veronica whispers.

"That's what I said." Lip loudly whispers. He's trying to redeem himself from his first conversation with Ian, but it's unlikely that Ian will let that go anytime soon.

"Why are you all so fucking chatty?" As Frank comes downstairs everyone get's into 'positions'. Ian sits at the kitchen table and hides behind a newspaper, the only thing showing is his fire-like hair. 

"What? We're not allowed to be chatty?" Fiona tries to contain her laughter.

"Not this early in the morning. Why is everyone here? Half the people don't even live here." Frank looks at everyone in the room. Everyone except the person he's supposed to be noticing. He grabs a cup of coffee and goes to sit at the table. Amy and Gemma are not able to stop laughing. They've been to Ian's birthdays, they've heard everyone talk about Ian. But they never met Ian, so they can't miss him. "Why are you two laughing? Do I have puke on myself" Frank looks at his shirt. This doesn't stop the girls from laughing. "Is that todays paper?" Frank asks, not reading that the paper states yesterdays date.

"No." Ian puts the newspaper down and everyone starts giggling.

Ians actions jump scare Frank and he jumps up a little bit. "Holy shit!" He jumps up! "My boy! My boy has returned! My boy is home! Come here!" 

"Technically, I'm not your boy." Ian says as he hugs Frank.

"I raised you, you're my boy."

"Excuse you, I raised Ian." Fiona corrects.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, I helped."

"Occasionally." Ian laughs. "I see he never changed."

The mixture of the Gallaghers and Balls start laughing and having joyful conversations. At some moments, it seems like nothing ever changed. At other moments, it seemed that everything changed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter isn't the longest :) More coming next week.


	5. It's All Going To Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets get spilled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo :) Once again I wanted to thank everyone who is reading. There is a possibility that I will be busy next week and not be able to update. 
> 
> Also, everyone please be safe with Covid. Be sure to follow your city's, county's, state, or country's rules about how to stay safe. In this story I do have it set in present times, just without Covid. No one wants to read about a global pandemic we're all living in. So please be safe and don't forget to wear a mask and wash your hands.
> 
> Also, tiny spoiler, there is a memory in this about Ian's old life that's kind of like what happened in season five when he stole a kid. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!  
> -suicide attempt, Monica's attempt from season two  
> -suicidal thoughts  
> -PTSD  
> -scars, not self-harm but can still be a trigger for some  
> -panic attack

The southside part of Chicago was calm. The sun has risen, but was covered by gray clouds that hinted at a rainy day. The streets were filled with joggers, dog-walkers, millennials going to get their overpriced coffee, people running late for their job, homeless people holding signs asking for money, drug dealers giving their poison to junkies. It was a normal morning in the Southside. 

It was normal for everyone, except the people in the Gallagher house.

The Gallagher house was not calm, but it never was. The Gallagher house was filled with joy, relief, worry. Joy that Ian is back, relief that Ian is still alive, and worry about the lack of information Ian's giving out. Ian only told people the little things - his life, lies about his career, his roommates, how life was different in Vancouver. His two older siblings were the only people given the information about his mental health. He isn't ready to tell everyone, not ready to be the next Monica. 

For the first time in a very long time, Ian feels happy. Not fake happy or a little happiness, pure happiness. He let a pure bliss come into his life. Being with his family, he missed this feeling of happiness. Not only has he deprived himself of this happiness for eight years, but he also gave this feeling to everyone he loved. Almost everyone he loved from his past life is with him in the Gallagher house. This place, these people, they give Ian pure happiness.

Happiness was Ian's rival. It came and went, only staying for a little while. The last time Ian felt this happy was before he left, before he fucked up his life. He didn't just fuck up his own life, he fucked up everyone else's life. He fucked up their happiness. And for that, Ian will always hate himself. Ian will always doubt himself for that. The thought of him taking up so much of their happiness, takes away his own happiness. 

Ian has hated himself for eight years. Every single time he would start to feel happy, the thought of the happiness he's taken away from his family stops him. It stops the happiness inside him. It makes him want to run and cry, and most times he almost does that. This new/old feeling of happiness makes Ian wish he came back sooner. Ian couldn't have come back sooner, not wanting everyone to know the truth. It's not likely he can hold it in for too much longer. People will find out the truth about his new life.

"You see this scar," Ian shows his palm to Carl, "I got in the Army. I hotwired a helicopter."

"You hotwired a helicopter!" Liam speaks. He knows about Ian going to the army, but doesn't know why he left. He never asked why Ian left the army, just knew that something happened. He was young when the MP's went looking for Ian, young enough to not comprehend what was happening. 

"Not very well, hence the scar." Ian's therapist tells him that it's good to joke about things, it can be healthy. Ian will talk to her about little things, not wanting to expose his whole other life. He made up an excuse about the scar, not wanting to get into detail. He just tells everyone that he accidentally cut his hand with a knife when he was younger. That version was easy and simple. and no one asked questions.

"That's nothing. Look at this!" Frank lifts up his sleeve. He shows everyone a scar on his left arm. "This is from your crazy-ass sister, Sammi. She got mad at me, I don't know why, and shot my arm. She just shot me!"

"What a surprise, Frank annoyed someone so they shot him." Kevin jokes. Everyone laughs.

"Haha, you wouldn't be laughing if you were shot. It hurts like a motherfucker." Frank spits out venom. "I also have one on my stomach," he lifts up his shirt, "I got a new liver a few years back. Poor kid died of a car crash, or maybe a home invasion, I don't know, and gave me his liver."

"Don't know why anyone would want to give you a liver." Debbie mumbles into her coffee.

"Because I'm an amusing human being who's fun to be around." Franks spits his venom again.

"That can be argued." Lip points out.

"Name one thing I did that was so wrong."

"You lost a bet to a guy and they took Liam. You owed them ten thousand dollars, which you have never had." Ian speaks.

"You stole our identities and got credit cards under our names, took awhile to get our credit stable again." Fiona says.

"You weren't even there for my birth." Carl explains. 

"You got me kicked out of my private school because you gave all the PTA moms STDs." Liam states. 

"Wait, Frank did what?" Ian asks, shocked. He got told the important details about the past eight years, this was not one of them.

"Okay," Liam starts, "so I got into this fancy private school because they needed a token black kid."

"Which I helped get you into." Frank reminds everyone. 

"No one asked, anyways. He slept with all the moms in my PTA group, and gave them all like three different STD's. Also, they were all married. He slept with a bunch of married moms. Which, now that I'm saying it out loud, isn't too surprising. The school hated him so much, they kicked me out. I guess they didn't want it to happen again. They needed a scapegoat, and chose me." 

"You were a goat?" Carl asks, not familiar with Liam's extensive vocabulary.

"No, it means I took the blame. No one became a goat, this isn't Disney."

It was obviously not Disney. Their life was not Disney. Sure, there are movies about long lost brothers. Do those movies end in the brother being forced to tell everyone he's bipolar? Most Disney movies have some parental problems. Did any of those movies have their mom try to commit suicide in the kitchen? Most Disney movies did have talking animals. Can Frank be counted as a snake? Their life was no Disney movie. In the Gallagher world, there is no such thing as a happy ending. 

Hours pass, and everyone is still listening to giddy conversations. They talk about the past and the present. The past being from before Ian's departure, and some memories after. They talk about what everyone's doing in the present. Ian get's to meet Kevin and Veronica's little girls. He get's to learn more about their life and what they're doing. He hates himself for not only missing the birth of Lips kid and Debbies kid, but also Veronicas twins. 

All of a sudden, in the middle of Carl talking about how he loves screaming at rich people for his job, Lips phone rings. When he looks at the caller ID, he sees the name of his girlfriend. 

"Hey Tami." Lip walks away from the conversation and answers with a smile.

"Hey, how's Ian?" Tami asks. She fell asleep after Lip left earlier that morning, but was still curious about everything. She was always sadden by the fact she never got to meet the man who Lip talks about. 

"He's amazing, he's actually here. I thought it was a dream. It's real, he's really here. Fuck Tami, I'm so fucking happy. I have everything I've ever needed now - You, Fred, and now my whole family." Lip can't stop smiling. He has everything he needs. He has his full family back.

"Lip, that's fucking amazing. Speaking of your son, can you take him? I have to get to work, and I figured you might want Ian to meet him. I can take him to daycare, but I just thought..."

"No!" Lip interrupts, "No, don't do that. I'll take him. Bring him over, please."

"Okay, can I also get the car back?"

"Yes, yes, it's your car. I didn't mean to steal it, just spur of the moment shit."

"I don't blame you, you wanted to see your brother. I'll be there in like twenty minutes." Tami hangs up.

Lip can't stop smiling as he reenters the conversation in the living room. Now they're on the difference between the actual military versus military school. Ian and Carl are debating about which was harder and more controlling. Ian laughs about how his little brother had the same dream he once had, West View. Both didn't get in, but it was nice to share the same dream.

"Military school had to be more controlling, trust me. I got to control everyone around, I made shit hard." Carl explains.

"No, you're wrong. It's the actual military was harder." Ian debates. 

"Ian." Lip says. Ian looks back at his brother. "Is it okay that Tami's coming over and bringing Fred?" Lip doesn't know why he's asking for permission when he already said yes to Tami. Maybe he just wanted to make sure everything was okay with Ian.

"It's fine." Ian lies. He hasn't been near a baby since the incident.

____________________________________________________________

Nova, Bailey, and Ian all walk over to their next-door neighbors house. None of the three know how she will feel. After over a week, maybe she'll feel better. Maybe she will be okay. She was always very protective of her son, and this didn't help. 

Bailey softly knocks on the front door. Ian tries to hide behind Nova, but his body is a few inches taller. Ian doesn't know what will happen, not everyone is as forgiving as his roommates. But he know he didn't do the same as he did to his neighbor, he didn't steal their baby. Nova nor Bailey had a baby for him to get close with, to act as if it was his own. It was his neighbors baby. He was the one who always babysat when needed, he would occasionally take the baby on a morning jog so the mom could get some extra sleep. He did it all, and now he's suffering the consequences.

"What?" A woman in your young thirty's opens the door with a baby clinging to her left side. She looks at her three visitors, mainly the man in the back.

"Hey Fallon, can we talk?" Bailey asks as nicely as she can.

"I can talk to you two, but not him." Fallon points straight at Ian.

"We just want to talk." Nova explains.

"He's not talking, is he? Talked a lot when he stole my baby."

"I'm sorry." Ian mumbles.

"What was that?" Fallon asks.

"I'm sorry." He speaks louder. "I really am."

"Fallon, please don't blame him. He was manic. He's bipolar, it wasn't his fault." Nova pleads.

"It wasn't his fault? It wasn't his fault! It was his fucking fault! Don't blame him for what? For stealing my son? For locking him in a locked car on a summers day? For running from the police with him while screaming that Gabriel's demons are after him? What else should I forgive him for? For taking off unexpectedly with my Miles? Or maybe for stealing my car? Mainly, because he stole my fucking baby for over twenty-four hours while you two told me not to call the cops? Is there anything else I'm forgetting? Maybe gaining my trust to have him help with Miles? Please, go on." 

"I'll just go." Ian quietly says and walks away."

"No," Bailey grabs his arm, "stay."

"If he's staying, I'm not." Fallon catches Ian's attention, making him finally look her in the eyes. "So now you look me in the eyes. I'm not staying here, I don't feel safe. I shouldn't have to move, you should be the one who has to move. I'm a single fucking mother who got her baby stolen, I should have called the fucking cops. You should be in prison. Instead, I'm the one being forced to move."

"No one is forcing you to move." Nova tries to reason with Fallon.

"He is." Fallon can't even say Ian's name. "I don't care if he was manic or depressed or fucking bipolar, he stole my child. I can't live next to him now. You never know when he could become manic again and steal my kid again. It's not safe for us here, not with him. It's either you move or I move, and I already got the boxes."

Ian doesn't know what to say, His actions forced someone who used to be his friend to move. He forced to her leave everything because of him. His eyes start to water. He didn't realize the amount of pain he caused. Bailey and Nova have tried to explain to Fallon that Ian was manic and what mania truly is, but she didn't care. As long as Ian was alive, she wouldn't feel safe. Not only is Ian making her move, but he also have her trust issues. Now Fallon will have to think twice before letting someone take care of Miles.

Ian pushes himself out of Bailey's soft grip. He starts walking back to his house. There was nothing he could say to make her feel better, there was nothing he could do. The only thing that would make Fallon feel good again, is if he died. Ian thinks that's what he should do, sacrifice his life for Fallon. Maybe it's an eye for an eye type thing; since he stole her baby, he should kill himself. That's what makes sense in Ian's mind, it's the only thing that makes sense in that moment.

When inside his house, Ian slams the front door and runs to his bedroom. He then slams that door too. He runs to his bed and screams into his pillow. He screams as loud as he can, hoping the pillow will muffle the screams. He screams and cries, knowing that he fucked up his whole life.

_____________________________________________________

It's twenty minutes after the phone call when Tami arrives at the Gallagher house. She figures that the door will be unlocked and opens it. When she opens the door, she sees the red haired man for the first time. Lip keeps a picture of Ian on his nightstand, the same one tattooed on his body, but it wasn't the same as seeing the man in person.

"Hey." Lip smiles as his little family walks through the door. He sees his little son smiling, showing the little amount of teeth he has. He walks up to his girlfriend and kisses her on the mouth, then takes Fred out of his stroller.

"Hey." Tami says back. Ian stands up, and she really gets to look at him. He looks kind, trustworthy. He also looks a little broken, beatdown from the life he's lived. "You must be Ian."

"You must be Tami." Ian retaliates. He walks up to her and they shake hands. "I've heard a lot about you."

"I've heard a lot about you. I like meeting the man we named our son after."

"Here are your keys." Lip grabs the purple keychain from out of his pajama pockets. No one has changed out of their pajamas, not wanting to be away from Ian longer than going to the bathroom or brushing their teeth. 

"Thanks. Have fun." Tami smiles as she walks out of the house. 

Ian walks back to the couch, not wanting to make Lip think he wants to hold a baby. It's been over six years since he's held a baby. Even as an EMT, he had someone handle babies. The last time he held a baby, was when he stole one. He didn't the Gallaghers to make him feel better, telling him everything would be okay. His roommates told him that, but it wasn't the same. The Gallaghers knew that they were saying, they had the experience. His roommates only experience was stories and tips from the internet and him. 

"Do you wanna hold him?" Lip asks while bouncing his child.

"Yeah." Ian plasters on a smile. He figures that after six years, everything will be okay. He took his time. This isn't a random baby to him, it's his nephew. He's an uncle. This is his brothers kid. 

"Here you go, Uncle Ian." Everyone watches as Lip hands Fred over to his uncle. Everyone smiles, thinking this is going to be a happy moment.

Ians hands shake as the baby gets handed to him, he can't control it. As Lip hands him the baby, he stops breathing. For a moment, he feels like he can't breathe. He knows this sign, he knows that this can lead to a panic attack. He can only hold onto this child for a little bit longer.

"Lip." Ian says, looking down at the baby he's holding.

"Yeah." Lip smiles at the view of his brother holding his son.

"Lip." Ian tries to breathe.

"Yeah Ian."

"Take him back."

"What?" Lip snaps out of the perfect reality he created. Everyone is shocked.

"Take this fucking baby!" Ian starts to yell, startling everyone.

"Ian, breathe. It's okay." Lip doesn't know what's going on, no one knows what's going on. Why is Ian freaking out while holding Freddie?

"Take this fucking baby out of my hands before I drop it on the floor." Freddie starts to cry. Lip takes his child from his brothers arm.

"Is everything okay?" Debbie asks.

Ian just stands up, and freezes. He looks around at everyone staring at him. All he hears is the sound of Lip trying to shush his child. He grabs his backpack from under him and runs out. He frantically gets the keys out of his bag to unlock the car. Once out of the house, he blocks out all noise. He becomes deaf to the world around him. He can't hear his family calling after him as he gets into the car. He only sits there for a moment before he speeds off, leaving everyone in confustion.

Ian goes as fast as he can back to he motel. He doesn't want to get arrested, but needs to get back to his motel room. He needs to be alone, he needs to talk to the only people who will understand. His eyes become a bit blurry as he fights away tears. He doesn't want to cry, but can't stop it. He thought everything would be okay after all this time.

He frantically parks and runs to his room. His hands shake as he unlocks the door. Ian throws his gray backpack down and starts pacing. In moments like these, his body's natural instinct is to pace. He takes his phone out of his back pocket and facetimes one of the only two people who will understand.

Ian knows that it's eight am there, and the girls might not be awake yet, but still hopes someone will be awake. He stops pacing for a moment and places the phone against the TV so he doesn't have to hold it. 

After the phone rings three times, Nova picks up.

"Hey, what's up? You woke me up. How's Chicago and the family?" Nova rubs her eyes. She was in a light slumber before the sound of Ian's call woke her up. She doesn't notice Ian's pacing at first. But when she notices, she knows something is wrong. She sits straight up. "Ian? Ian? What's wrong? Ian?" She aggressively shakes the sleeping body next to her. "Bailey get up, now."

Bailey and Nova have been in a relationship for about eight months. They still have their separate rooms in the house, but often sleep in one another's bed. The two girls often compare themselves to Nick Miller and Jessica Day from the show _New Girl_.

"What? What?" Bailey gets startled awake by her girlfriend.

"Look!" Nova shoves her phone in Bailey's face. Bailey holds the same reaction as Nova and sits straight up. Both girls are happy they went to bed clothed that night. 

"Holy shit. Ian? Ian? What's wrong?" Bailey notices the tears streaming from Ian's face as he paces.

"Ian, look at me. It's okay. You can calm down. Everything will be okay, please stop pacing." Nova tries to reason with her roommate. "Just please take a deep breath, everything will be okay."

"No it won't!" Ian cries out as he paces. "I fucked everything up."

"Okay, explain everything." Bailey looks concerned at Ian.

"Everything was fine. I've been with my family since twelve am here. I caught up with everyone. They asked questions, but I didn't tell them everything. Then, shit, then...."

"Then what? Ian please tell us." Nova says.

"Lip brought his fucking baby over and I held it." 

"Fuck." Nova mumbles under her breath.

"Are you okay?" Bailey asks, stupidly. If Ian was okay, he wouldn't be pacing and crying. 

"No!" Ian starts to cry harder.

"What happened?"

"Lip asked if I wanted to hold the baby, and I said yes. I didn't want to raise any questions. I told him and Fiona about being Bipolar, but that was it. I never said anything else about what happened. I held the baby for only a few seconds before I started yelling at Lip and threatening to drop his child on the ground. I fucked up, I really fucked up. I just ran out of there when Lip took his baby back."

"I promise you Ian, you didn't fuck up." Nova tries to explain. "I think everyone will understand, it'll all be okay."

"No it won't! The last time I held a baby was when I fucking stole it. I stole a fucking kid. I haven't held a baby in six years. I fucked up everything. I seriously fucked up."

"Ian, you did not fuck up." Bailey speaks with a caring tone. "You did the right thing, you gave your brother the baby back, went to a safe place, and called us. You did everything okay. Did you take your meds this morning?"

"Yeah, but obviously they didn't fucking help."

"Don't say that, they helped. You've been doing amazing these past few years. It's okay that you felt different when you held a baby. It was a traumatic experience for you. After being afraid for six years, I don't blame you for how you handled everything. You're a good person, you just wasn't ready for this. It's your first day back after eight years, it's going to be different. I know from when I visited that everyone seemed nice. I'm sure, they'll understand."

"I can't go back, I can't go back there. They're just going to ask questions and I'm going to have to tell them everything." Ian still has not stopped pacing.

"You don't have to go back now, and you don't have to tell them everything. You can just take it one step at a time. I don't blame you for not wanting to tell them everything." Nova says.

"They saw the tattoos, the ones on my wrist. My brother saw them. I just quickly covered them back up and no one asked anymore questions."

"That's okay. See, everything's fine. They didn't ask questions, they let it go."

"They're not going to let this go. I told Lip that I would drop his fucking baby, no one in their right mind says that. What kind of fuc-"

"Hey." Bailey interrupts. "You're not fucked up, trust me. It's okay. It's all going to be okay.

Ian spends the next few hours alone in this room, calming down, thinking things over, taking a little nap. He gets the rest his body needed. He had a very dramatic day, and it's only twelve. He needed some time alone. But once he woke up, there was only one person who he wanted to see. One person who would maybe understand everything.

He grabs the backpack and leaves again. Ian doesn't take his rental car this time, but chooses to walk. His destination isn't that far away. Walking in the cool Chicago air will be good for him, help him think. He will get to see his neighborhood along the way.

Ian takes his time walking to his destination, looking at everything around him. The Southside has changed, but it was still the same. Specific things changed greatly, while others stayed in their shitty place. Gary the homeless man is still there after all those years. Girls still working corners, while drug dealers work others. It was a good place to walk around.

Ian stops across the street from his destination with his hood up.

_Moonshines_

In the window he can see a black haired man. He immediately recognizes the man. It's the man he once fell in love with years ago. It's the man who showed him how to love. 

It was Mickey Milkovich.

He isn't alone in the tattoo parlor. A lady with dirty blonde hair is there, as well as a child with blonde hair. The child looked to be about seven years old in Ians eyes. 

When Mickey turns, Ian finally gets to see those beautiful blue eyes he never forgot. The eyes he never got tired of staring into. The eyes that held so much pain. The eyes that belong to Mickey Milkovich.

Mickey walks out with the other two people, chatting along with them. He waves them off as they drive away. He then starts walking along the sidewalk. Ian starts to follow him. Ian doesn't know what he will say to Mickey, what he can say to Mickey. Maybe everything's different after eight years. Maybe Mickey is still closeted, maybe he's still married. Ian doesn't know anything.

Ian follows behind Mickey, trying not to be suspicious. He follows at a distance. He keeps his eyes down, looking at the ground. He follows Mickeys feet. He follows them as they turn.

Ian turns into a dark alleyway. All of a sudden, before he can stop to think, he's being pushed against the wall.

"I don't know who the fuck you are but I don't need some bitch following me!" Mickey yells at the man. "Who the fuck are you?"

Mickey takes the hood off the the man. He sees the red hair, the beautiful red hair. The red hair that belonged to his first love. The red hair that he fell in love with. The red hair that helped him come to terms about who he is. 

Mickey takes a moment to look into the emerald green eyes. There were moments in the past, where Mickey would stare at each individual freckle on the man in front of him and want to kiss all of them. He wanted to love this man until his dying breath.

"Ian?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, might leave for two weeks with a cliffhanger.


	6. I Am So Fucking Happy You're Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two men who never stopped loving each other meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) Sorry for not updating last week, I didn't have the time to do it. The storyline that I wanted for this chapter was kinda big so I'm splitting it into two chapters. I promise I will do the next chapter next week. 
> 
> There is only one trigger warning that I can think of for this chapter
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> -mania

It seems like the world has stopped spinning on its axis. It seemed like time stopped in that little alley. The wind stopped, the clouds stayed still, runners weren't moving. Everything was still in that moment. In that moment, the two men just stared at each other.

Mickey looked at the body in front of him. He stares at the emerald green eyes in front of him. The green eyes that he could stare into for hours. The eyes that always looked at him like he was normal, the eyes of a man who never judged him. The eyes that would squint when the man would smile. The smile, the man had the best smile. It seemed that when the man smiled, everything was okay in that moment. In the moment when the man smiled, all the worry just went away. But then the smile went away, and the worry stayed. There were the little hairs on top of the mans head. The hair that made Mickey love the color orange at one point in his life, and dread it for years to come. There were the freckles that covered the mans entire face. If one looked close enough, they could see little freckles on the mans eyelids. Mickey always wanted to kiss every freckle on the mans face, even the ones on his eyelids. But Mickey keeps looking down at the lips. He feels guilt while looking at those lips. For years he wanted to kiss those lips, before the mans departure, but didn't. Mickey always wanted to kiss those lips, but was too afraid. He lives with regret that he wasn't able to kiss those lips more times before the man in front of him disappeared.

Ian looks at the body in front of him. The blue eyes that reminded him of the ocean. The eyes that could put in in a trance. Those eyes were mesmerizing. The way those eyes could focus on a man like Ian amazed him. He looks at the black hair on the mans head. He looks at each little hair sticking out of place. In the past, Ian always thought that the man in front of him had hair that had a specific scent. The scent that smelled like him. He looks at the lips in the man in front of him. The lips that have showed more frowns than smiles. The mouth of a man who wasn't afraid to speak his mind, unless around his dad, and defend others. The mouth he desperately wanted to kiss for years, but never did. Ian was afraid that if he kissed the man, it would scare him off. But instead of scaring the other man off, like scared Ian off. Ian looked in the smaller body in front of him, looked deep at him. Ian knew, he could tell things were different. This was not the same Mickey Milkovich that lived eight years ago.

"Ian." Mickey breaths out. He carefully takes his hands off Ian's body, not wanting to harm him. He looks at the man in front of him deeply, just looking at him. Ian's eyes were puffy and red, showing signs that he cried heavily earlier. There were bags formed under Ians eyes, showing signs of insomnia. 

"Mick." Ian smiles.

Mickey carefully places his palm on Ian's cheek, wanting to feel him. He touches Ian's skin for the first time in eight years. Mickey softly rubs his thumb on Ian's cheek. He finally gets to feel Ian's skin after eight years.

Mickey feels like he's been woken up from a nightmare. The last eight years have seemed like a nightmare he could never wake up from. Everything in his life felt like a curse without Ian there, and just begged for someone to wake him up.

Now he's awake. After eight years, he's finally awake. Ian found him. Ian woke him up from the dream.

"It's really you." Mickey rubs Ian's cheek. He tries to hold in tears, but his eyes are getting glossy.

"It's really me." Both men speak in soft voices to each other, afraid that a loud sound might spoke the other. Like Mickey, Ian is trying not to cry, But he fails. A tear falls out of his eye and lands on the hand Mickey placed on his cheek. 

"Ian." Mickeys vocabulary seems weak in this moment. It seems like his mind has gone blank. There was nothing he could think of to say. His mind was empty, the only thought there was a command to keep looking at Ian. He breaths slowly, just taking everything in one moment at a time. 

"Mick, I missed you." Ian breaths out, softly and carefully.

"I missed you too." Mickey lets a tear drop on his cheek. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He removes his hand from Ian's cheek to wipe away the tear. "Where were you?"

"Away." 

"Away? Where's away?" 

"Vancouver, Canada."

"Wow, another country." Mickey and Ian both keep the soft tone in their tones as they converse.

"Yeah, really didn't want to be found."

"But you're here now." Mickey smiles. Mickey was so caught up in just seeing Ian that he forgot to smile.

"Yeah, I'm here now." Ian smiles back.

Both men just look at each other for a moment, a pause stopping their conversation. They both want to breathe the other one in, afraid of losing them. 

"Why now?" Mickey breaks the silence.

"What?" Ian smiles still there, but faded a little bit.

"After eight years, why now?"

"It was time, I guess. I wanted to see everyone-my family, neighbors, friends, _you._ " 

Before either men can say something, a presence enters the alley. It's an angry presence.

"Hey! What the fuck are you two doing in my alley?" An old homeless man covered in dirt walks up to the two men talking. "This is _my_ alley, I did not invite you two here. I have a knife, I'm not afraid to use it."

"Sorry sir, we'll leave." Ian grabs Mickeys hand and starts running away from the man.

Both men hold hands as they run away from the homeless man. They don't even realize that they're holding hands. To both, it just feels natural. 

After they get a block way, the two men stop running. They break up their hand holding and take one little step away from the other. After a moment of silence, both men burst out laughing. Each man starts hysterically laughing, almost falling over onto the concrete below them.

"You just," Mickey laughs you, "you said you're sorry. A homeless man comes up and you said sorry. You even called him sir! I think that proves you lived in Canada, you said sorry and sir to a homeless man."

"What else was I supposed to do?" Ian laughs back. 

In this moment, it feels like no time is lost. It feels like each man is placed in the body and mindset they had eight years ago. Their conversation and laughter are carefree in this moment. They are on the verge of crying from laughing so hard. It feels like they're both back in their old bodies, before life could traumatize them more.

"I don't know! You didn't have to call him sir!"

"I didn't know what else to do! I was just trying to be polite, I guess."

"How much do you want to bet that he 'marked his territory' in that alley to claim it as his own."

"Oh, he one hundred percent did that. Seems like the Southside hasn't changed much." Ian tries to calm himself, stop laughing.

"Yeah, I guess." Mickeys laughter died down too. He sees Ian shivering in his sweatshirt and jeans, not prepared for the Chicago winter. "Let's go back to my place. I promise there will be no homeless people showing up and kicking us out."

"You have your own place?" Ian asks. He feels like that's a stupid question to ask. Mickey's an adult with a job, of course he has his own place.

"Yeah, decided to move out of the Milkovich house of horrors. And I did it just in time; a few weeks after I left, the house almost collapsed due to asbestos." Mickey starts leading the way to his apartment.

"Damn."

There's an awkward silence for a few moments between the men. Mickey looks down at his shoes while walking, while Ian looks around and pinpoints how much the Southside has changed since he's moved. Sometimes were still the same, like homeless people attacking others for their alley. 

"Where did you live? I mean, in Canada." Mickey breaks the silence.

"A townhouse with roommates."

"Fuck, you got a townhouse there. You rich or something?"

"No, but one of my roommates is. Her dad is like a big time lawyer who does a bunch of stuff and is rich."

"Wow, so you've grown from the Southside. I understand why you didn't want to come back. I wouldn't want to come back if I lived in a townhouse with a rich bitch who got money from her daddy."

"Mick, that's not the reason I stayed away."

Mickey stops walking when he hears that word.

"What?" Ian looks at Mickey and asks. Mickey now looks straight up into Ian's eyes.

"You're the only one who calls me that. Mick. No one else calls me that."

"Really." Ian feels special in that moment, knowing that he's the only one who uses that nickname.

"Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer, but I need to ask." 

"Okay, what is it?"

"A few years ago I got a call. I didn't know who it was, but they only said one thing. 'Mick'. I always kinda guessed it was you."

____________________________________

The Gallagher house was filled with Gallaghers and their guests. There wasn't a specific reason that they were partying. Did there ever need a specific reason for the Gallaghers to party? It was a summer evening. Every Gallagher was in a good mood after playing in the backyard all day with one another. And as the sun started to set, they decided to bring guests over.

Mickey was surprised when he got the call that he should come over. Mickey Milkovich was one who was never invited to small parties. And this time he wasn't just invited because someone needed coke, they actually wanted him there.

Over the past couple years, Mickey had gotten closer to the Gallagher family. They both had a common interest-Ian. But their friendships started to grow beyond that. It was first Carl who got comfortable around Mickey. Carl thought Mickey was the coolest person to ever live, he loved hearing the stories involving drugs or juvie or anything. Then it was Liam. With Mickey being in the Gallagher house often, Liam took a likening to him. Mickey didn't hate the kid either. Mickey was there to see Liam grow up. And, although he would never admit it, he loved watching him grow up. Debbie was the next to crack. She started getting close to him. She wanted to see why Ian liked Mickey so much, why he was comfortable with him. Debbie soon learned that she shouldn't have to fear Mickey Milkovich. Mickey Milkovich was a loving creature who would pay close attention to almost everything she said. Fiona cracked next. After having Mickey around the house more often to help with the kids, she started to like him. Mickey was kinder then everyone thought. He wasn't just a no-good thug. He had a heart and was caring, he cared deeply for the Gallaghers. He didn't only care for Ian, but for all of the Gallagher siblings. Lip was the last to break. He started to break that day he returned to the house with a drunk Mickey confessing his love for Ian. He learned that Mickey really loved Ian, and that he wasn't just using him.

Everyone got to know the real Mickey. They learned about the Mickey who would smile, make jokes, take care of Liam if needed, even help around the house. They now knew that there was more to Mickey than what everyone thinks. 

In the middle of drinking his beer and listening to Frank whine on about something he probably thinks is genius, his phone rings. It's a number not saved in his contacts. By now, Mickey has learned that he should take random phone calls. He never knows if it will be his sister in trouble or his brothers needed something.

What confused him was where the call was from. It said it was all the way in Seattle. He knows that Iggy is still in Chicago, Jamie is in prison, but maybe it was Colin. Mandy was still here, but maybe she look a phone from a guy from Seattle.

"Hello?" Mickey walks away and heads to a quiet kitchen. The other end is silent. "Hello?"

After a few seconds of silence, Mickey figures he should just hang up. This has to be a prank or a spam call. But just as he starts to hang up, a voice speaks.

The voice is soft, it's barely there. It's almost a whisper.

"Mick."

That's all the voice says. Just one word. Nothing else. It just says "Mick." 

Mickey stops for a moment. There was only one person who ever called him Mick, one person who he would let call him Mick. In his mind it was impossible, but in reality it was real.

The voice whispers again, "Mick, I'm sorry."

In that moment, in a split second, Mickey realizes who is on the other end of this call. He hears the little breaths the person is making. 

Once that final realization comes, Mickey drops his beer bottle on the floor. In his reality, everything seemed like it was in slow motion.

Everyone in the living looks at the kitchen to see a frozen Mickey. He's not doing anything, just standing there with the phone to his ear. Some aren't even sure if he's breathing.

"Ian?" Mickey whispers. He knows who it is. He knows who is on the other end of this call.

Fiona puts her beer down on the coffee table and starts walking towards the frozen man. "Mickey, is everything okay?"

"Ian? Ian? Ian is that you? I know it was you!" Mickeys voice starts rising. 

Everyone else stops when they hear Mickey talk. They question if it's really Ian or if Mickey is crazy.

"Ian. Ian please talk to me. Ian please. Ian it's me, you can talk to me. It's me, Mick. I'm Mick. I'm here for you Ian, just please tell me where you are. Please, please, please." His voice gets soft again.

The other side of the phone call is silent. The other person isn't saying anything, but Mickey can still hear them breathing.

"Ian, it's okay. You don't have to be sorry, it's all going to be okay. I'm here Ian, please. Please, just let me know where you are." Mickeys heart is racing. He knows who it is, whos on the other end of the phone. His eyes start tearing up. He knows he's not crazy, he knows it's Ian. "There is no need to be sorry Ian, it's okay. I'm here. Listen to me, I'm here. Listen to my voice. It's just me, Mick. It's Mick, it's your Mick. Please Ian, please. Ian-"

Before Mickey can say another word, the other line hangs up. Mickey stands there frozen once again. Tears start falling down his cheek. He doesn't know if it's anger or sadness but he slams his phone on the ground, shattering it. Everyone backs away for a moment, letting the man be.

Debbie's the first to break the silence, "Mickey, are you okay?"

Mickey doesn't say anything, he just stands there. 

"Was it him?" Lip asks.

Mickey turns around to face the Gallaghers, tears still streaming from his eyes. "It was Ian."

____________________________________

"I remember, it was me." Ian looks into Mickeys angelic eyes. "I wanted to call you, I felt like I needed to call you."

"Why?" Mickey asks. Both men just stand in place and stare at each other.

"Can I explain it to you at your place, I don't wanna talk about it in public." 

"Okay, okay. It's okay. It's a five minute walk, it's going to be fine." Mickey assure Ian.

For a moment, the two men walk in silence. Both not knowing what to say. They both can't say the things that's on their mind. Mickey wants to ask the question of what's wrong, Ian wants him to tell him the truth. It might not be the whole truth, but at least part of it. He wants Mickey to know almost everything. Not getting in too deep, but just enough."

"So you're a tattoo artist?" Ian breaks the silence.

"Yeah, what do you do?" Mickey asks, the conversation has gotten awkward once again.

"I'm an EMT." Ian lies, once again. Every time someone asks him what his job is, a lie comes out. Ian doesn't want anyone to know what he really does.

"So you save people and shit?" Mickey asks.

"Yeah, I guess." Ian smiles, reminiscing in the days when he saved people.

"So you're like Superman or some shit? Saving each civilian one villain at a time or some other bullshit."

"No, it's not like that."

"So you don't save people like Superman?" Mickey starts to get the flow back into their conversation. 

"No." Ian starts smiling once again.

"Really? In my mind I'm imagining a redheaded Clark Kent, without the glasses. And instead of the Superman suit, it's an EMT uniform. I see you saying 'Help is on the way' like Mrs. Doubtfire or some shit."

"You know the movie _Mrs. Doubtfire_?"

"Your little brother made me watch it one day, and then another day, and then another day. For like a whole year it was his favorite movie."

"Carl?"

"No, Liam. I actually got pretty close with your family over the years. Surprisingly, Lip doesn't hate me anymore."

"No, that can't be true. You're lying. You have to be lying. Lip has always hated you." Ian giggles.

"Yes, but he hates me less now. I think it happened one day after I got shitfaced drunk, he took me back to your house. I don't remember anything that happened the night before, all I know is the next morning I woke up in your room."

"I still don't believe you. Lip hates you, you beat him up."

"I've beaten many people up. I believe I have beaten you up on more than one occasion and you don't hate me."

"True, true."

"Actually, Lip called me to say that you were home."

"Why didn't you come over?" Ian looks disappointed. Maybe Mickey didn't want to see him after all. Maybe Ian forced this reunion on Mickey. Maybe Mickey has a perfect like without Ian in it and ruining everything.

"I didn't believe him. I accused him of being drunk again and playing a sick joke on me. I couldn't believe it. Sorry, I know I should have listened."

"No, I don't blame you. It's fine Mickey, are you sure you're okay with me being here?"

"Gallagher look at me." Mickey stops walking and looks up into Ian's eyes. "I am so fucking happy that you're here. This has to be one of the happiest days I've ever lived through. I mean I think the happiest day is when we first fucked." That last line makes Ian scoff. "I do think this is a close second."

"Really?" Ian looks down at Mickey. He feels like this could be the perfect moment to kiss him, but fights the urge. He shouldn't kiss Mickey, it could ruin everything. Mickey might still has his internalized homophobia. Mickey might not be out and Ian shouldn't kiss him in the street. The Southside could still be a homophobic place where they could get beat up just for looking at each other.

"Yeah man. By the way, we're here." Mickey walks into an apartment building.

"Wow, this is nice." Ian looks around the lobby. It's very modern. It's lively and colorful, very out of place for Mickey to live here. It was obviously decorated after the gentrification. 

"What? Did you expect me to live in a trash can or something?"

"Wouldn't be too surprised." Ian jokes.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Mickey smiles as they enter the elevator. 

"I've been told that over the past few years." 

They get off at the fourth floor. Mickey gets out his key to open up apartment 4C.

Mickey's apartment is nice. Ian suspected more of a mess, but it's clean. In the past, Mickey's room was known for being a horrific mess. There is a black couch, and a few little knickknacks around the room.

"This is nice." Ian looks around.

"Thanks, I guess."

"You get this from being a tattoo artist?" 

"Yeah, come sit." Mickey sits down on the couch.

"How long have you been doing that?" Ian tries to make small talk to ignore the talk he wanted to have here.

"Maybe six years. I actually gave your family some tattoos." 

"They showed me, the ones about me."

"Yeah, do you have any?"

"Any what?"

"Tattoos, idiot. I'm asking if you have any tattoos." Mickey leans back and scoffs.

"Oh, yeah. I got a few." Ian lifts up his pant leg to show a series of little tattoos. Around his ankle are the initials _F.G, P.G, D.G, C.G, L.G_. He doesn't show Mickey the tattoo roses on his wrists, not wanting to show anyone those. It's not that he doesn't like them, he doesn't like what's underneath them. He has more, one on his side, one on his neck, and one over his heart.

"Nice." Mickey smiles. "Can I ask it now?

"Ask what now?" Ian forgot one of the reasons they're back at Mickey's house.

"Why you called? You sounded sad and you kept saying how you're sorry."

Ian thinks he should try to rip the band aid off. "You remember my mom, Monica?"

"Yeah." Mickey sits up, wanting his full attention be on Ian's words.

"She was," Ian takes a deep breath before saying the word, "bipolar. It's a mental disorder that makes you go up and down. You can go from feeling like you're on top of the world to feeling like that world is stepping on you." Mickey doesn't say anything, he just listens carefully." "Apparently, it can be passed from parent to kid. I was the kid, I guess. Monica gave it to me. I'm bipolar." It still stings to say that word, to believe it was him. To go from trying to help Monica with it, then having others having to help him like that was hurtful to Ian. Ian never wanted to be anything like his mother. He got a cursed gene from her, one that would connect them forever.

Ian waits for Mickey to say something, while Mickey is waiting for Ian to finish the story. He doesn't know what he could say in this moment to make Ian feel better. He can't just say sorry, it won't make anything better. Mickey feels like the only thing he can do in this moment, is listen. He just needs to listen to what Ian says.

"I found out like a little over a year after I left. I went from being high on the world to feeling like gum on the bottom of a shoe. With bipolar, I get depressed. There was a time where I didn't get out of bed for almost three fucking weeks, nothing could help me. No one knew how to help me."

____________________________________

The door to Ian's room was adjacently opened. A little crack showed the boy laying in his bed. For the past twelve days, Ian hasn't gotten out of his bed. There have been people here to help Ian drink water, eat, use the bathroom, and shower. There are people who have tried to help Ian these past twelve days.

This isn't the first time it's happened. It's been three years since Ian's first manic episode. There were little signs that another could be coming on, but no one noticed. Everyone around Ian had educated themselves on what bipolar means or what it does, but there are little things that they might not notice. It would be different to Ian's family. They know the signs, they lived with signs for more than three years. The people in Ian's life maybe expected that a manic depression like this could only happen once, they miseducated themselves.

Now, in the corner of the room, lays Ian. From far away, he looks like a lifeless body. It looks like there is nothing living in his room. But there is something, something that is barely living. 

"Did he eat today?" Nova asks, still in her work uniform.

"Yeah, we fed him earlier." Flynn says. Flynn is their next-door neighbor. He's gotten very close to the little family that lives in the townhouse next to him. He has been there since the beginning, living in his house longer than Ian has lived in his. He was there for the first episode, and knew he had to help during the second one. "I gave him some water, helped him pee, he's good for now."

"No, no he's not fucking good. How can he be fucking good!" Nova starts to yell.

"Nova, calm down. We can let Ian hear us, okay. We can't let him hear you yell." Bailey places her hand on Nova's shoulder. 

"I know, I know. I just, I don't know. I miss him. I also hate myself for not realizing this could happen."

"Then you should hate me too, and hate Flynn too. We were here too, we also missed the signs. You can't put all the blame on yourself, we all fucked up. It's going to be okay. We can't rush it, we have to let it play out."

"But we don't know how long this could be." Nova takes a deep breath. "It's been twelve days. His last episode was five days, we thought that was the worst of it. How could we have excepted this? Can I see him?

"Yeah, just don't get your hopes up. I know you do every time, and you break yourself every time he's not up."

"I know, I'll be fine."

Nova slowly walks to Ian's room. The door creeks out as she opens it further. She stares at the lifeless body on the bed. She takes a deep breath before stepping in.

She sits right next to Ian's bed. She just sits there for a moment, not saying anything. She just looks at him. Nova knows she shouldn't cry, but might not be able to help the tears from falling down.

"Hey Ian." She softly speaks. "How's it going? I hear you had some food today, that's good. You drank some water, that's good. Do you think you want to try your meds now?"

"No meds." Ian mumbles into his pillow.

"Okay, no meds. I brought home leftovers from my restaurant." Nova works as a chef at L'Abattoir, a high-end restaurant. "I know you ate earlier, but do you want to try some? It's the steak you always like." No response comes from Ian. Nova knows that this means no, that Ian may be done with the conversation. "Okay, I'll put it in the fridge for when you're ready." Nova kisses Ian's head before she walks back. She doesn't close the door behind her all the way, leaving a crack so she can still see him from outside the room.

She walks right to her room, tears streaming down her face. How could she let it get this bad?  
____________________________________

"I mean I got better, but it took awhile the second time around." Ian continues. "I eventually got up again, but it took awhile. When I got up, I could only think of one person to talk to."

"Me." Mickey finally speaks.

"Yeah, you. A few weeks after we went on a little trip to Seattle, I thought it was the perfect time to call. If I went away from my home, you can track the call and still won't find me. But I spent weeks just wanting to talk to you." Ian starts to cry a little bit, so does Mickey. "I knew I had to wait. I really didn't want anyone to find me, especially after a manic episode. So yeah, it was me who called you. I didn't expect you to pick up, or even know it was me. I can't believe you knew it was me solely based off of a nickname. That's actually pretty fucking genius. I wanted to say more, but, to be honest, it kinda scared me. I really didn't expect you to pick up. I didn't even know what I would do if I left a message. I thought I would just hang up after I called, but I didn't. I heard your voice, Mick. After so many fucking years, I finally got to hear your voice. I got to hear you saying my name. I could tell you wanted me to be there with you, but I just couldn't. I'm sorry Mick."

"Ian," Mickey puts his hand on Ian's shoulder, "it's all okay. I'm not mad. It actually made me happy to hear you call, helped me know you were alive. It helped everyone know you were alive. Not to sound cheesy, but that call gave us hope. I got to hear your little whisper okay. I got to hear your voice. You never have to be sorry about that. Never be sorry about that."

"Okay." Ian wipes away a tear.

"What about now? How are you feeling now?" 

"Better, I'm on stronger meds. I have it under control." 

"I'm proud of you Ian. I know your mother wouldn't say that, she wouldn't have it under control. I still remember the stories you told me. It's all okay. You got help, you did the right thing, you're good Ian. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."


End file.
